Source: The Independent

My Favorite Christmas Wish
December 12, 2013 | 02:52 AM

When I married my first ex-wife, a classically-trained Italian young woman (girl) from Brooklyn, I knew I was in for some change. Having grown up as an Englishman on beef, steak and potatoes, I was now entering new dining territory. My father-in-law from Sicily; and my mother-in-law from Naples. And it was like the "Hatfields and McCoys" on every family occasion. Always great and familiar pasta dishes from the south, but very weird fish things from the north. And with half the 30-person table (all wealthy, for sure) and each considering the others barbarians in manners and style - especially over the menu "" I was confused.

But in the middle of it all for me was the octopus in the silver tureen. Which, like Jerry's "anonymous" commentator, stopped me in my tracks. No way I was going to eat a purple and white thing, with its tentacles and suction cups beckoning to me from some kind of cream sauce.

But then there was "Aunt Josie", old enough to be my mother, sitting there in a simple, very low-cut dress, with a bosom as big as Jerry's "anonymous" guy described about his date, Karen, and now smiling at me for noticing her charms. Simply humongous! And that was it! I moved the food around on my plate like Karen for a while; kept my big mouth shut; and just took in the sights.

Needless to say, Aunt Josie and I made a lot of eye-contact that night and it was great for both of us! And just imagine the possibilities if Fellini was "directing". LOL, BC

Bill Crandall