August 25, 2010
Kiss & Tell
Big Hands Mean . . .
In dating people are always looking for clues to tell them what a person is really like and while certain clues point to a good lover, others say "run the other way." Are you putting off any of these danger signals?
Too Much Technology
There was a time when a phone was only at home or in the office. If you were needed in a hurry, say a doctor or a drug dealer, then you would have a beeper. A date was not the place to be in communication with someone other than the person across the table. Now a table for two is a table for four: you, me, your iPhone, my Blackberry. They don't require a booster seat but they do sit face up ready to send a blinking red light or cute animal call to distract our attention at will.
Small battery operated devices may have their place in the bedroom (travel alarm clock) but otherwise our petite altars of devotion should be put away. If the only thing you are staring longingly at is your LCD screen that signals you're looking for the NBT, next best thing.
The only thing worse than a bad tipper is a cow tipper. Clearly cruelty to animals is a total turn off but being stingy is a romantic buzz kill since generosity is a number one quality someone wants in a lover. Does he make you walk in the rain because he doesn't want to pay a valet parker?
There is also an emotional stinginess. Are you willing to share your feelings, personal history, dreams? Even though this is your date, not your therapist, a willingness to share and be vulnerable builds intimacy. The flip side of this is the person whose remote is stuck on the it's-all-about-me channel. Asking questions and listening to the answers means you're in this together.
Giving Bad Bed
If the stiffest thing in the bedroom is the towels, that is not a good sign. When you create an inviting bed with fresh, clean, high quality sheets and feathery soft pillows and comforters with a slight hint of lavender scent (good for relaxation) you indicate "this here is an important place in my life." A $2000 big screen TV and sheets from Kmart hint at lack of good lovin' priorities. Even if you are alone, you still spend a third of your life in bed and life is simply too short for cheap sheets. And while you don't want to feel like you're walking into a frat house you also don't want to feel like you're in a museum with a Do Not Touch sign. One woman left out Polaroids for her maid to properly position the small army of matching pillows with sheets folded just so. You don't want to get thrown out of bed for eating crackers, literally, or maybe spilling a little whipped cream in the heat of passion.
The ability to be spontaneous and experiment allows you the chance to experience some of life's greatest pleasures. Unless your heart is set on spreading Christianity in a third world country, missionary positions are overrated. If you can't take a moonlight midnight swim because it will mess up your blow out or can't travel with less than two suitcases marked HEAVY because you can't live without beauty products, you may be signaling high maintenance. Going with the flow is simply a turn on. And if you can go with the flow under stressful situations and do it with grace, you are golden.
In the end, big hands may only mean big gloves, but remember that you are constantly giving off clues to your love potential, and it's wise to put the best hand . . . um, foot, forward.
You can find more of my writing at HipHamptons.com or drop me a note at firstname.lastname@example.org