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July 28, 2010
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Kiss & Tell


What He Likes About You


I adore men. Truly. I just don't understand them all the time. I can read a dog's needs like nobody's business and know exactly the difference between the look that means 'I need to pee' and 'I know there is a leftover filet in that doggie bag and by the name of said bag I believe it should be fed to me.'

Men and women both dance the relationship dance but when the music stops it is usually the women who are asking 'Why, Why, Why?'

I know that men feel women often over think things. And yet we are relatively sure there is more to making a man happy than the "show up naked – bring beer" rule. When a man is willing to share a little bit of the Y chromosome thought pattern it can be truly enlightening.

I came across a relationship columnist named Aaron Traister who put out a fresh perspective of what men want from women.

We love it when you take control.

While we gals often find ourselves as the mediators and de-escalators in conflict, apparently men find it a turn on when we get all righteous on wrongdoers. Not to go all New Jersey Housewives on someone but to speak out with confidence and authority. Being feminine doesn't mean being a wilting flower but a rose who's not afraid to bring out her thorns.

We love that you talk our ears off.

Aaron admits that his wife's voice is familiar and funny and it allows him to tune in and unwind. We forget in this texting age the power of auditory attraction. I remember sitting at a bar and hearing a man talk and thinking before I ever saw him that I could be in love with him. U R HOT on a little phone screen simply doesn't have the same appeal as whispered seductions. Especially if you do have a good sense of humor and are positive, it seems that women should chat up their man.

We love you – even in your sweats.

True, there is something to that effortless sexy look where you don't have to worry that if you go in for a kiss when she's in full make up mode that you'll come away with more face paint than a clown. And that authentic presentation, as Aaron said, made him want her just as much the next morning. It's true that by the time you get on the Spanx, push up bra, concealer, hair extensions and lip irritant that makes your pucker plusher, and shove it all into a skin tight dress, you're in danger of exploding like a sausage coming out of its casing.

We love that you don't want us to die – yet.

After a physical and diagnosis of "danger zone in several key categories," Aaron's wife started him on a strict regimen of health shakes, which he said had the consistency of motor oil. And yet he appreciated her concern and efforts, which actually did improve his health. Women who tell their men to whoop it up, drink, smoke, and eat as much beef jerky as possible may be looking forward to widowhood. The others who take the extra steps to create a healthy environment send a message, "I care about you."

We love that you love us.

This seems to have the most intuitive resonance. As women we are free in society to give and receive love in so many ways while men are still a bit more restricted and that hug and kiss of their buddy at lunch might put them over the edge into the bromance category. So their love from their woman takes on even greater meaning. Acceptance is huge. Where we women often go wrong is in thinking that we can change men. It seems the best thing we can say is, "Honey, I love you for you. . . and could you let Fido out, he wants to chase that squirrel."

You can find more of my writing at HipHamptons.com or drop me a note at kissandtellhb@hotmail.com

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