Gurney's Inn
September 05, 2007

Jerry's Ink


When it comes to handling a scandal within their party, Democrats are so much better than Republicans.

Democrats don't lose their jobs over public disgrace. Republicans, on the other hand, can't take the heat and they fold.

Democrat Bill Clinton earned the everlasting gratitude of millions of high-school-age boys and recruited them all into the Democratic party for generations to come when he declared that oral sex was not sex. The boys gleefully passed on this news to millions of high-school-age girls and the rest is history.

Clinton was a master at denial. Can you see him looking into the cameras and saying, "I did not have sex with that woman, Monica Lewinsky"? His fellow Democrats defended him at countless dinner parties in the Hamptons. "A man's sex life is his own harrumph harrumph."

If it all works out Clinton will be back to getting BJs in the Oval Office, while the President is out of town, of course.

Democrat Barney Frank has loudly proclaimed that he is gay and proud of it. His relationship with Stephen Gobie was exposed by the Washington Times, which revealed that the Representative answered a classified ad in the Washington Blade, the local gay weekly. "Exceptionally good-looking, personable, muscular athlete is available. Hot bottom plus large endowment equals a good time."

This was in his third term; the 45-year-old Representative had not yet stated his homosexuality publicly. He paid Gobie $80 in cash for sex.

Gobie, then 28, said he ran a male prostitution ring from Frank's apartment.

If all this is news to you it's because the Democrats handled it beautifully. The only thing they can't control is Google.

Democrat Jim McGreevy stated with great pride that he was a Gay American. The fact that he put all of us in jeopardy when he installed his unqualified boyfriend in charge of New Jersey's anti-terrorism program was treated as something lovers do for each other.

McGreevy also revealed that he cruised for sex at the bathrooms of the rest stops on the New Jersey Turnpike and never got caught. The thought of McGreevy cruising at the sainted Vince Lombardi rest stop fills me, a football fan, with rage. I don't care what he did at the Florence Nightingale rest stop, or the Walt Whitman service area (after all, he was gay, too), but Vince Lombardi Ė that's sacrilege.

Which brings me to the hapless, hopeless Republicans.

Anti-gay rights Senator David Craig showed us all last week how pitiful Republicans are when they are caught with their pants down.

First of all, what the hell was he doing in an airport men's room? How disgusting. What the hell was he doing in Minneapolis? If he had to go, why didn't he wait until he got on his plane?

Ever see men in public bathrooms at the airport? Straight ones all stare straight ahead like the zombies in "Night of the Living Dead." No eye contact is made. A real man would rather pee on his shoes than to even look down at himself and aim.

Craig apparently put his bag in front of the stall and then tapped his foot, which apparently is some kind of a signal, that only other gay men and vice cops seem to know.

Was he tapping out a Morse code? Was there a tune in his mind that caused him to tap? Was he singing to himself? Was it the old Judy Garland song, "I Just Adore the Boy Next Door?"

And now let us talk about the vice cop who was the arresting officer. His name is Sgt. Dave Karsnia. He's 29 years old. He was named the department's Officer of the Year, and in 2005 he was promoted to sergeant. According to the AP, Craig's arrest was surely the biggest of Karsnia's career, but it was only one of more than a dozen he made in the Minneapolis Airport's restrooms this summer.

The last time Karsnia was in the media spotlight, it was because of his efforts to get speeding electric carts carrying passengers and luggage at the airport to slow down. The issue came to light last year when a young boy was run over and dragged by a cart and suffered a second-degree carpet burn.

Karsnia was in charge of cart enforcement at the time. That got him on ABC's "Good Morning America" earlier this year.

I'm not making this stuff up. You can't make this stuff up.

He was a star on cart enforcement and that got him a promotion to sitting in toilets all day to trap gay men. That's a promotion? Tell me, in your entire life have you ever heard of a worst job than this guy has? Does this guy have a permanent ring around his butt from sitting on the toilet all day? Does he ever get bored? Does he ever get so bored that he taps his feet?

What does he do when he goes home? Does his wife say, "Did you have a nice day, dear?" Does he answer, "It was a slow day -- I sat on the toilet for eight hours but no one sat in the stall next to me"? Does he read? Or does he just sit there taking in the creepy tinkling sounds, the offensive smells, while he listens for a tapping foot of some poor lonely jerk who is looking for love in all the wrong places?

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