Gurney's Inn
August 15, 2007

Realty Takes

And In Other News. . .

If the report is true, it is a classic case of, as my grandmother used to say,"spitework." A recent study reported that people generally get happier as they age (Laura Carstensen, director of the Stanford Center on Longevity). Yeah right, just when things are really starting to feel better, it's goodbye, Charlie. Now that's spitework!

So, to compensate for what one might call this withdrawal practice, we deliver to you a piece on non-related-to-real estate laughs. (As for real estate laughs, I didn't get too many of those anyway when I asked for them a few weeks ago.)

However, the non-related stuff came in an e-mail from a legendary real estate person. It may be a stretch. On the other hand, the e-mail was from a broker. I was glad she sent me something to laugh about, as long as I'm getting happier every minute anyway (according to the above study), that is, until the bubble bursts.

Here they are, from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, things people actually said in court, word for word, collected and published by court reporters.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?


ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?

WITNESS: I forget.

ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?

WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"

ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?

WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?

WITNESS: Are you sh****n' me?

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?


ATTORNEY: How many were boys?


ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?

WITNESS: Are you sh****n' me? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney? Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?

WITNESS: By death.

ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?

WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?

WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to rephrase that?

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?


ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?

WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.

ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?

WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?


ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?


ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?


ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?


ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?

WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?

WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Now tell the truth, didn't that feel better than market news, mortgage collapses, foreclosures and droopy unit sales prices?

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The New Listing of the Week is offered free to brokers on a rotating basis. Please submit a JPEG photo of the property along with a WORD document with the listing information to, attn: Rick. There is no charge for the placement.

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