Gurney's Inn
July 18, 2007

Kiss & Tell

Naked, Beer Drinking, Loud Music Playing Pilates On The Beach

If you think this title is long, you should see the list of rules to go to the beach these days. Large signs spell out all verboten activities in fine print. I've been going to the beaches in the Hamptons since I was three weeks old (babies are still allowed) and my general opinion is that either you have respect for the beach and your neighbors or you don't no matter what the sign says.

The majority of people appreciate the natural beauty and pick up after themselves, don't blast loud music, or start drunken brawls. However there are a few bad apples, such as a group which partied late one night at Peter's Pond beach and left a bunch of beer cans, bottles, cups and other garbage strewn around. One man who didn't like the trash on the beach where he wanted to sit the next day simply picked it all up and put it in the errant garbage bag, then set his towel by the water (he must have been a Buddhist).

Others on the path to spiritual enlightenment also found themselves thwarted. Last week there were too many people for yoga class so the instructor thought it might be nice to accommodate everyone and try to conduct class in Marine Park. Although rude people, bad drivers, and illegal parkers never seem to attract the attention of the police, this yoga class was shut down faster than you can say Om. It would have required a permit.

Well, there is a group of us gals who thought we would bring our Pilates class out into nature at Long Beach but after this incident worried about our illegal core work. It was also so hot and humid that we wished we could shed some clothes so we thought why not just break all the beach rules at once. Hence the birth of the beachside, naked, beer drinking, loud music playing Pilates class.

Now I'm not sure exactly how my natural breasts will be affected by gravity in some of these positions but what the heck? And a swig of ice cold beer in pigeon pose doesn't seem the most incongruous act. As we flushed out this idea some of the gals chimed in that we needed cabana boys with palm fronds to fan us in the heat and hold the cold drinks as we practiced our Pilates 100's. As long as we could hear our instructor Claudia's voice, a musical accompaniment didn't seem out of the question either. Maybe we could even get the famous drummers who play sometimes at Sagg Main Beach (or at least until the neighbors complained and they sought more acoustically-friendly venues). We might as well make it a big party since their loyal following was so disappointed to miss them on Monday nights they could just join us on Tuesday morning instead.

And finally, with all this sensual energy of body heat and a sexy beat and heavy Pilates core breathing creating a total vibe in the air maybe we could even inspire those prudish piping plovers to get it on and procreate so we could have some darn fireworks next year. Unless of course they make a beach rule against that family holiday favorite, too.

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Gurney's Inn