Hardy Plumbing
June 27, 2007
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Kiss & Tell


What The Bunnies Know


From the mouths of babes, as in 36-24-36, comes some interesting advice on men and relationships. Three Playboy bunnies have come together to share their collective knowledge in The Bunny Book: How to Walk, Talk, Tease, and Please Like a Playboy Bunny. Although actually you don't have to walk or talk, just take the book to the beach to read on a crowded Saturday and see the reaction it gets.

When I was going to college in Chicago I had an equal fascination with feminist literature and the job a friend's sister had working at the Playboy Club. Far from being slaves to men's pleasure, however, Deanna, Penelope and Serria promote a self-confident woman who sets her own rules then sticks to them. And she always protects her tail. As the gals state, "It's an unwritten law that no one touches a Bunny's tail it's part of her anatomy." The uniform is apparently quite valuable as well and kept under lock and key at the club lest it end up on eBay.

These three Bunnies do come up with some good advice. In terms of dressing, one is the magic number as far as what you want to reveal. If you've got great legs wear a short skirt but then not a skimpy top. If you're going to show cleavage then don't also bare your midriff. I also didn't realize there is an actual name for what happens when your gym membership has expired and your diet consists of fast food that can be eaten with one hand while your other types and hence your stomach starts to creep out over your jeans.

It's called "muffin top."

But the Bunnies don't advise starvation or fad diets. As a matter of fact they say you should never weigh yourself or even own a scale, just work out. Even though we think of Playboy bunnies as unnatural beauty specimens, they still advise keeping it real. "Don't be a slave to makeup. If your boyfriend hasn't seen you without it that's just plain weird."

I tried to follow their advice on how to sexy up your walk. They say to put one foot directly in front of the other and slow down your pace, taking longer strides. When I tried this at home, however, my guy looked at me like something was wrong and asked if I strained something in yoga.

In terms of meeting men they give advice right down to how to enter a room either by yourself or with a friend, but not in a big group where you get lost in a crowd and to make eye contact. It seems that Bunnies and mafia men have the same rule although for different reasons Don't have your back to the room. While some advice may seem humorous, like don't use your sock as a blindfold or never chew gum while you're drinking, it did remind me of my friend who had to tell his date to spit out her gum . . . at a wine tasting.

I think the gals are also right on about avoiding TMI syndrome telling too much on a first date as well as their steadfast loyalty to girlfriends even if you've met a cute guy. As they say, "He shouldn't take priority over anyone or anything until he earns that priority."

And then my all-out favorite line is, "You'll never think 'I wish I'd slept with him sooner.'" Even though I'm not sure I'm ready to try a position called Union of the Cow I think the Bunnies got it right when they say the key to making monogamy hot is to never take your relationship for granted.

Next weekend I'm going to take Betty Friedan to read at the beach and see what happens.

You can check out my website HamptonsHeather.com or drop me a line at kissandtellhb@hotmail.com.

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