Gurney's Inn
May 02, 2007

Kiss & Tell

Dear Heather,

True love where doth thou hide? I get this question a lot. Or more accurately, where is a reasonably attractive, intelligent and non-psychotic gal or guy available for an organic growth-oriented relationship? Listen up lonely hunters, I do have some advice on how to go out in the world and meet someone whose company you will enjoy. The good news is that you are all out there, you just have to figure out a way to find one another.

Rule #1 Be Happy

Go ahead and sing the Bobby McFerrin tune because your attitude will be your number one asset or liability. I've seen beautiful women who were as cold as ice be passed over for the pudgy cutie with a sparkle in her eye. You should have listened to your mother who said "Smile." Just try it one day. Smile everywhere you go and utter only positive statements. Of course you can't totally be faking it. If you concentrate on making your life that is your body, mind and soul the best that it can be, then you aren't dependent on a mate to make you happy. Actually you'll have so much of your own joy that you'll want to let it spill onto someone else.

Rule #2 Break Routine

People move in concentric social circles, which don't meet, especially in the Hamptons. Most of us spend our time with a small close-knit group of people, which is wonderful, but if you're trying to meet someone new, you have to shake things up. Amazingly this can be as simple as going to East Hampton if you live in Southampton or to a different restaurant or bar, gym, or coffee shop than you usually do. We are lucky enough to live in a hamlet where opportunities abound to explore both nature and cultural activities.

Sign up for the full moon kayak or the fencing class or attend a gallery opening. Check out the pages of good old Indy to see upcoming activities. If you're hoping to meet someone, you might want to pick an area where you can shine or share your expertise with someone else.

Rule #3 Risk Failure

If you don't put yourself out there and try you may never know if you've missed your opportunity to meet Mr. or Ms. Right. Take a chance. Both men and women can be shy, so if someone sparks your interest, make an overture. Keep it short and sweet. They may be married, in a relationship, not interested in you, or batting for the other team. No problem. Get in, make a positive statement, and get out. That way you don't invade someone else's space.

There's a big difference between a guy who won't leave you and your girlfriends alone when you're having an intimate conversation and the one who pops over at the beach and says, "Hey you look like you're having fun. My friends and I were wondering if there's a great place for sunset." If you're interested, set a meeting point for later. And if you're the one who's approached and you're not interested, be polite. He or she may be at your business meeting tomorrow.

Rule #4 Don't Judge

One matchmaker I know will never let a client see a picture of the man or woman they will be fixed up with before the meeting. Not every girl is a beauty queen and not every guy is a powerful business success. Everyone does it yet everyone hates it when it's done to them. Judging a book by its cover. Why do you think so many successful romances grew out of being friends first?

Get to know someone. You will soon find out if the chemistry is there or not but you have to give a person's essence and core personality time to shine. What tops the list of both men and women in attractive qualities of a potential mate is neither looks nor success . . . it's a good sense of humor.

So have you heard the one about the Panda and the Pope . . . ?

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Gurney's Inn