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November 29, 2006

Hampton Daze


Give Him The Boot

Funny Story. Five girls all meet the same man, five girls that work in the same office. He used the same line on all of us. "Are you a dancer? You look like a dancer. Let me see your feet." The sad part is that we all showed him our feet.

Veronica met this man at the Hampton Bays Starbucks about a year ago while she was trying to type a paper (not because she wanted to look cool or anything, but because she didn't have a working Internet connection). He comes up to her and asks her if she is a dancer. She laughs, because if you have seen Veronica dance you would laugh too. He asks her to take off her boot. "Wow, you have a great arch," he says. Veronica thanks him and puts her boot back on, focusing on her computer hoping the man will call it quits and let her write her paper.

This does not happen. "Do you surf?" he asks. "No" she responds. Really, the girl has two left feet; these questions are ridiculous. "Well I give surfing lessons. I'll give you some free surfing lessons if you want." Then he breaks instantly into a conversation about politics, something Veronica hates talking about with the random man she met in Starbucks. Nodding and smiling about whatever he was saying, she is polite, but she makes the mistake of telling this man that she works for The Independent Newspaper.

"Oh, do I have a story for you," he says (doesn't everyone?). He goes into conspiracy theories about the Southampton Town Board while Veronica tries to drown him out and focus on her paper.

So the other day when another girl in the office says, "I met the strangest man today . . . he asked me if I was a dancer. And then he offered me surfing lessons," and four other girls join in, "I've met him too!" We find this to be too much of a coincidence. So, just in our little office alone five girls have met this man at the Hampton Bays Starbucks, Ditch Planes in Montauk, Citarella in East Hampton, Schmidt's in Southampton and on Main Street of Westhampton Beach. We wonder, how many others have fallen victim? This man gets around. AND WE ALL TOOK OFF OUR SHOES!

This isn't the only instance that old men have asked Veronica and Jameson to show them their feet. Jameson once had someone at Fiddlers Cove ask to see her feet and subsequently tried to lick her toes. Jameson was at Barristers one night, and a man asked if he could read her foot, like a palm reader reads a palm. She showed him her foot and he can instantly read the future, "I can make your toes curl," he says. Soooooo creepy.

Moral of the story, any strange man that comes up to you in a public place and asks you to remove your shoe, please say no. Say you have foot fungus or something. Say anything, do anything you have to, but keep your shoes on your feet. And RUN.

We went to La Superica on Friday night for a friends' going-away party. We knew right off the bat that we would be knee deep in alcohol since the friend we were going to see is obsessed with doing shots. After the second or third shot, or maybe it was four (who can really keep track?) Jameson taps a random stranger on the shoulder and yells "YOU'RE TAKING A CAB HOME!" He responds, "No, I haven't had one drink," as he trips a drunk man who goes falling to the ground. "See, you're drunk," she says. "Look what you just did." They start talking and she finds out his name is Steve from California.

Later on outside we run into Steve again with his friend. His friend introduces himself and seconds later says, "I'm going to go take a piss on that haystack." We laugh assuming he was joking. A few moments later we wonder where Steve's friend was when we turn around and realize he really is relieving him self on a haystack. City boy wasn't just making fun of us country folk. There really was a haystack in the middle of the parking lot.

Skip to later in the night. We close the bar, beg the bartenders not to close at 1 a.m. (lame), our friend attempts to bartend, we get kicked out of the bar, we sneak back into the bar, and then we get kicked out again.

Have we mentioned how much we love our lives?

Saturday night we attended a break dancing party at Amber Ultra Lounge. After watching the break dancing we got inspired. Outside the club we had our friend Adrian beat box while Veronica, Jameson and friend Rice rolled around on the ground attempting to do the worm. Before we knew it a crowd had formed around us. Mostly to gawk and laugh, but any attention is good attention to us. We might have to start a break dancing team of our own.

Contact us hamptondaze@yahoo.com or www.myspace.com/hamptondaze.

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