Hardy Plumbing
October 25, 2006
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Jerry's Ink


THINGS I HATE AND OTHER STUFF



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I HATE that disgusting Chevy truck commercial that shows Rosa Parks and Mohammad Ali, Martin Luther King, soldiers in Vietnam, brave firefighters and police, and the song they play is John Mellencamp's "This is Our Country." Then they show a lousy Chevy truck and sing, "This is our truck." What a manipulative piece of crap.

I HATE Monday night football coverage on ESPN. This Monday night, in the middle of an exciting football game, they cut away to ex-Dallas football player Emmitt Smith and had what seemed like an endless interview with him promoting an ABC show, "Dancing with the Stars," while real fans like me were sweating out our bets. Then they had an inane, boring interview with Hank Williams Jr. while the game was being played.

The three announcers are so into the "show business" and getting their sound bites in that they talked about everything but football while the most important game of the year was being ignored. At one point a Giants player was lying in a crumbled heap when they cut away without identifying him. They didn't even have the decency to go to a commercial; they just cut away to someone who was prattling on about a game that was played last Sunday. I miss Howard Cosell.

I HATE the Mets not making it into The World Series. Even at this age, watching that last pitch break over the middle of the plate, striking out Carlos Beltran and eliminating the Mets, could make me tear up like I did when I was an 11-year-old kid and the Yankees lost.

NEWSPAPER READERSHIP . . .

This is funny and insightful. A good friend sent this to me. Apparently, it's been making the rounds on the Internet. If whoever wrote it will contact me we'll be glad to give you credit.

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country — if they could find the time, and didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.

7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who are running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.

10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country, or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions: if the leaders are from a minority, feminist, atheist, who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided, of course, that they are not Republicans.

11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12. And, finally, the country is run by someone who doesn't read a newspaper at all.

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT

A few weeks ago Page Six in The New York Post ran a great article on the selective enforcement of the Village of East Hampton against the Della Femina restaurant.

Somehow in talking to the reporter about the people behind this selective enforcement I said "DA" when I should have said "Special Prosecutor." Thus Suffolk County DA Thomas Spota wound up in an article and a war that has nothing to do with him. I don't know Tom Spota but I hear from all who know and deal with him that he's a good guy. I was urged by Super Democrat to the Stars Rob Zimmerman to clarify this matter. Since Rob is the only Democrat I will listen to I am setting the record straight.

YOUR VILLAGE TAX DOLLARS AT WORK

While I'm in a setting-the-record-straight mood, I received a letter from the head of LIPA Richard Kessel protesting my beating him about the head in this column because LIPA kept blacking out some areas in the Village of East Hampton night after night on the weekend of July 4th.

Well, I finally heard from Mr. Kessel, who writes, "As I understand it the power outages occurred because your Town of East Hampton would not let us dig in the area to make permanent repairs prior to the July 4th weekend. Their refusal to allow us to make the repairs resulted in a problem with the protective fuses because of the high demand that particular weekend."

Well since most of the problem occurred in the Village, do I detect the fine hand of the grossly overpaid Village Administrator Larry Cantwell? Since this happened in the summer, did Larry issue his "No Digging" edict from his country club course where I've been told he spends many a Friday toiling in the heat over a hot golf ball?

This is the same Larry Cantwell who was quoted in the Post article as saying, "Actually, I like Jerry Della Femina." Can you believe he said that? It's not nice to try to fool Page Six, Larry. Those of you who know Larry and have read Pinocchio should know when Larry says something like that you should jump away as fast as possible since his nose is going to grow and he will spear an innocent bystander. Larry, in the future play golf, not God.

If you wish to comment on "Jerry's Ink," send your message to jerry@dfjp.com.

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