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October 04, 2006

Hamptons Daze


Jameson's Birthday Weekend

The birthday weekend had to start off with a bang. Jameson has officially turned old. OK, just a quarter of a century, but there was still need to celebrate.

Friday night we started off in Bay Shore at the Funky Fish to see our friends' band Last Second Chances play. Veronica drank her usual vodka & soda while Jameson celebrated with a good old fashioned Long Island iced tea (or two or four). We got great deals since it was nine dollar drink night. We became so agitated with the price we pulled out all the stops to ensure that our funds were not depleted and we got the most for our dollar.

When we finally got a free drink they gave us a little rubber fish that could be pulled apart easily as Jameson found out, making it two fish and two rounds for free (even if Jameson had to give the bartender a torn off fin).

Later that night we met up with some friends at a party in Sayville. The party had no beer left when we arrived, but did have a very large bottle of Southern Comfort. We decided to pretend that the SoCo was beer and passed it around the circle. The next day we prayed that nobody had herpes of the mouth — still no outbreaks so that's a plus. Finally, we found two beers and headed to the Half Penny Pub.

Upon arriving at the Half Penny, Veronica discretely hid her beer in her purse while Jameson walked straight in taking a big gulp. "You can't do that here!," cried one of the angry bouncers. She gave it up but not before drinking the last of it and crushing it in her palm. "Here ya go!" she said to the bouncer discarding the empty beer can.

Veronica decided it would be easier if she stole a glass when the bartender wasn't looking (which she's notoriously good at) and ran to the bathroom to fill the glass that she later gave to her friend as a housewarming gift. It's all about saving money!

At the Half Penny, Veronica made sure that Jameson made out with many boys. Most of them were barely legal but what's a birthday without some barely legal kisses. This is when the night turned not fun. "Let's get a cab back to your house," says Jameson to friend Joe. "Oh, there are no cabs in Sayville, we have to walk; it's only down the block," he says.

Two hours later, after almost getting arrested, hit by a car, taking a swim in a stagnant pond and some grass-stained knees we arrived at the house. We were both wearing 4-inch heels, needless to say and we were both limping like gimps the next day.

The next night we celebrated at the Publick House. This is where Veronica repeatedly tried to get Jameson to make out with her own cousin and every other one of our guy friends. Veronica thought this was hilarious but Jameson just looked at her cousin and turned green by the thought of it.

Inside there was a little private party going on for a lady who was turning 70 that day. As she was doing the Macarena with her family, Jameson walks over to her and yells in her ear as if she was deaf, "IT'S MY BIRTHDAY TOO!" She must have had her hearing aid up too loud because she quickly jumped back and yelled "HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Come join our conga line!" Next thing she knew Jameson was in the conga line with 20 of the lady's closest senior citizen friends. Pretty soon our party joined in too. After that we all got laid! Get your minds out of the gutter people . . . we all received Hawaiian leis.

As the night wore on, we ended at the Foggy Goggle or the "Goggy Foggle," where our memories quickly faded. We are sitting here right now writing this trying to figure out what exactly happened. All we know is somehow Veronica's camera ended up broken, the DJ was fairly annoyed with us, there was some making out, we met someone with a velvet jacket, and we just kept wondering where Screech was (the Foggy Goggle is where we met him).

Sounds like a normal night at the Goggle. We realized the next day that Screech must have been busy filming his sex tapes. The first one's on sale next week for $19.99, and all proceeds go to save the Screech's house fund. Hey, it's better than a save Screech's house T-shirt, wouldn't you say?

Contact us hamptondaze@yahoo.com or www.myspace.com/hamptondaze

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