October 04, 2006

Kiss & Tell

Get It Here: Hot Sex — Cold Beer

I am pleased to report that last week's column "The Boyfriend Whisperer" inspired a fascinating array of comments from male readers in sotto or not-so-sotto voices. Besides objecting to horse and dog references many of you told me that I am really over thinking this "what do men really think" issue.

I will be the first to admit that often we gals will refuse to take men's actions at face value — hence the "he must have been in a car accident and that's why he didn't call" logic. You all have the right to just be tired, stressed or watch football with a six-pack without us trying to engage you in an emotional Rorschach test. And it's true that books like Why Men Never Remember and Women Never Forget and Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps are geared towards female readers.

Maybe, like kids at a zoo, we are just more curious about you than you are about us (sorry, more animal analogies). However, I just don't buy that you are as simple as you claim to be. I have been intimately involved with the male species since about age 17 and have yet to meet any man who I could read like an open book.

One ad hoc male focus group so firmly insisted on the "it's all about getting laid" perspective that I thought they were pulling my third leg. I mean what do you do with the other 23 hours and 47 minutes of the day? Or if you get such a warm lovin' feeling after warm lovin', then exactly how long does that last before it needs to be renewed? In fairness, other men put forth a model of a loving and respectful partnership, which just accepts our differences without beleaguering the point.

You men may be more present-oriented creatures and converse, like in certain Native American languages, only in the present tense without analyzing the past or projecting into the future. And as most philosophers worth their angst will admit, all we really have is the power of now. (Which, of course, is the way animals also think.) However, if we women understand where you've come from and where you want to go, we may be better able to fit into your life in a mutually acceptable manner or exit because we know we have different goals.

The main problem as I see it is that the male/female differences dialogue is so filled with clichés about raised toilet seats and forgotten anniversaries that we don't get to the essence of the mystery, even if it's not Faulkneresque, as you call it (love that word by the way). And, as I stated in the column, part of our problem as women is that we keep turning to women to help us explain men.

So you brave men out there, please continue to whisper because I believe in my heart of hearts that you all have something worthwhile and ultimately surprising to tell us women about how you operate and how we can best navigate both the calm and stormy seas of our relationships (are sailing analogies more acceptable?).

I throw the gauntlet down to see which of you can tell me the most astonishing and useful thing that women don't know about men and to the winner I promise a gift certificate to 7-Eleven for a nice cold six pack of Bud and I'll even throw in a copy of the latest Maxim magazine for good measure.

You can send comments to kissandtellhb@hotmail.com.

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