Gurney's Inn
September 27, 2006

Hampton Daze

100% Brain Power

Hey girls, have you ever wanted a sugar daddy? Well now it's so easy to find one. Just visit and make yourself a profile. That's what Veronica did this week after her friend told her about a story on the site in the NY Post. She thought it would be funny to see what kind of men (with loads of cash) would be interested in her. The results were shocking.

Within 24 hours of her profile being approved she received 25 messages from a variety of men, most over the age of 40 and all with net worth of over $1,000,000 . . . or so they say. Since Veronica is too cheap to pay the $18 to join the site (she obviously needs a sugar daddy!) she is not able to read what these men have written her. But she can read their profiles.

One 67-year-old retiree, username "BOB4BIGBUCKS" writes: "Hello SugarBabe, it's a pleasure to meet you. I am a handsome, successful, entrepreneur with a wild side. I am looking for someone, 18-47, attractive, intelligent, who wants to enjoy the finer things . . . "

Another 46-year-old New Yorker writes: "I am an intelligent, kind and generous businessman looking for a young woman I can see once or twice a week for intimate companionship and occasional romantic dinners. I would also like a travel companion for my business trips both domestic and international. Being married, posting a photo onsite would be extremely indiscreet. Once we exchange an email or 2 I'll be happy to send you some so you know what I look like.

Yeah, no need for that, we already know what you look like, you look like a dirty old man!! How do these guys really think they can get a girl like Veronica? Sure in her profile she provoked it by saying she welcomed older men, but do people actually do this in real life? Being broke really isn't the worst thing in the world, but making out with grandpa might be.

Speaking of the strange things people will do for money Jameson was the sugar mama at Publick House the other night. She tried very hard to get some of our guy friends to do things for money. She had a fist full of cash and wasn't afraid to use it. She couldn't get the boys to make out for $20, but she did get one of them to eat and entire bowl of ketchup for $10.

Our old crew (Veronica, Jameson, Jessica and Sally) was reunited this week for the first time since Jessica moved away to Florida. Together we believe that the four of us have a combined "100% brain power." On our own we are only 25% and we need each other to compensate for the other 75%. Whenever we are all together it is believed that we all become a little bit dumber (that's a word, right?).

While Sally was buying a mattress the other day she was telling the rest of us that after this purchase she won't be going out for a few weeks. Seconds later when the sales lady asks for her social, Sally responds by saying "Yes, I am a social drinker, but I will not be able to afford it for a few weeks." The lady responds, "social security number?" We all break into a fit of laughter and we probably looked like we had been doing some heavy social drinking before arriving at the store since we were all acting like 5 year-olds jumping on the mattresses.

When we are all together we can barely even speak. Simple words like "compromise" come out of our mouths like "com-promise" (just like it's spelled). "Come on guys, let's just com-promise!" We could write a book about all the stupid things we say in one day. We may have been separated for the last few months but it didn't take long at all before we were back in the swing of things, making ourselves sound like idiots.

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Gurney's Inn