September 06, 2006

My GayView

Trouble in Toyland

Just in case you're tired of all the serious news happening around the world, here's a little piece of fluff from a small town in Brazil called Curitiba. It must have been a slow day at the Jornal de Sao Paulo newspaper because they ran a story about an artist named Karin Schwarz (not the most Brazilian of names) who mounted an exhibit in a bar in the above-mentioned village called "Amazing Girls."

Little attention was given to the exhibit in general, but one aspect drew plenty of attention. Ms. Schwarz shows American icon Barbie (the doll) in 'intimate poses' with another female. I must say, the mind reels. Who was the other female, for heaven's sake? What kind of poses? Who was on top, anyway? I could go on . . .

Well, bad news travels fast (over great distances, too) and toy giant Mattel is threatening legal action if their superstar is not immediately withdrawn from this depiction of a lesbian romp. Mattel is so big — and so sensitive — they had their Brazilian spokesperson declare, "Barbie is a very proper lady and she is not happy about being portrayed as something that she isn't."

How, exactly, does one become a Brazilian spokesperson for Mattel, anyway? What the hell was he doing with himself before this debacle? Wouldn't you love to know what they pay him? Anyway, Madame L'Artiste is not backing down: "Barbie is exploited by Mattel! She wears a bikini, she shows off her belly, has big breasts, and even has a boyfriend." Okay, then . . .

Poor Barbie is being dragged from pillar to post lately. Several months back a conservative group who call themselves Concerned Women for America (don't you love the way these losers pretend they have the whole country behind them?) jumped all over Mattel claiming Barbie's website "promotes gender confusion among children."

They go so far as to say Mattel is caving in "to the homosexual agenda." Why? Because the website (designed for children and not over-the-hill, right wing hags) asks the kids what their sex is. Then it gives three choices: Girl – Boy – I Don't Know.

Concerned Women for America has a director named Bob Knight (I bet he looks great in an evening gown and boa) who takes all this very seriously: "It's the idea that well, maybe people aren't born a particular biological sex, or they are but that shouldn't determine their gender identity," all of which is absolute truth to anyone enlightened enough to have heard the term transgender. Knight brings it all home by saying on behalf of his harpies, "In other words, any kid who's not sure about who he is, he's fair game to try to persuade to have same sex acts."

Bob, Bob, Bob — you must be confusing all gays with your old parish priest or Cub Scout leader from back in the day. Sorry you encountered a nut job on your path through life, but why don't you get on some nice shrink's couch and work it all out?

By the way, this country is impaled in an endless war, no one can afford gas or fuel oil, the real estate bubble may just burst in a town near you, and global warming might soon shift into high gear and wipe mankind off the planet. It really does my heart good to know you a**holes are securing the Barbie website.

Back in NYC, The Kathleen Cullen Fine Arts Gallery on West 26th Street has been ordered to withdraw a display of artist Mark Chamberlain's work featuring some watercolors showing Batman and Robin engaged in amorous dalliance. Strange, in light of the fact that DC Comics has recently revived their Batwoman character as a lesbian. I guess if anyone's going to queer-up the bat cave, it's gonna be them and only them.

They can corrupt the morals of American youth without any help from the art world, thank you very much. Ever since the crazies from Focus on Family tried to "out" SpongeBob Squarepants a few years back, it's been a witch hunt in Tune Town. It's time to padlock toy chests everywhere.

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