August 23, 2006
When Kandy was a young girl there was only one thing that stirred her juices, the Boy-Toy group of the ages, 'N Sync. She swooned at the sight of them: Joey, J.C. Chris, Justin, but especially Lance! She loved him so! What she would do to that cuddly cutie!
So imagine her glee when he showed up at the Bridgehampton polo match Saturday only to catch a glimpse of the now-grown-up-but-still-really-hot Lance Bass canoodling with the canoodlers under the tent. Like a zombie, she started toward him, pushing people aside like they were made of cardboard. Eyes bulging and un-blinking, she marched like a Night Of The Living Dead creature, transfixed on him, 10 years of lust ready to become a reality.
When Spades was a young boy, one thing stirred his juices like no other: 'N Sync. How he envied the five boys, how they moved, how they vocalized, how the girls swooned. Most of all, Spades eyed Lance, the cutey-cute with the come-on smile.
Cut to Bridgehampton, Saturday. Spades was walking around at the polo match when, out of the corner of his eye, a small, pale figure appeared. Even from a distance he could see . . . oh my god! Lance!
Like a robot, Spades found himself drawn to the diminutive crooner. He picked up speed, moving faster and faster, blinded by the desire and then SMASH! A collision! He found himself on the ground, head swirling. On the ground next to him, legs up in the air, none other than . . . Kandy?
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
They both quickly glanced at the object of their mutual affection only to see . . . Reichen Lehmkuhl? Hanging with Bass like . . . more than a friend? What up wit dat?
The lesson learned: some fantasies are best left fantasies. The two columnists walked away hand-in-hand, leaving Bass and beau to troll the tent scene non-interruptus.
Sir Paul McCartney has arrived for his annual three-week stay. No word yet on the kid but the Missus, as we know, will not be joining him this year. Amagansett neighbors are hoping he will join them in their fight to stop the South Fork Country Club from building a giant storage facility on their very bucolic block. Paul, by the way, lives rather modestly, considering his standing as one of the world's wealthiest men.
Sightings: yes, that was legendary actress Charlotte Rampling warbling away to the tunes of Christopher Cross at the Stephan Talkhouse . . . Billy Joel threw a private party at Cain, yes Kandy and Spades were invited . . . B. Smith and Alec Baldwin were among the younger participants at the annual Artist-Writers softball game, which is changing its name next season to the First Geriatric Old Prunes With Al's Heimer Disease Who can't Remember The Rules Anymore . . . Uma (God, stop us from drooling) Thurman is around, and let us tell you this is one super hot babe who is also really nice. Thank you!
Rumor and Innuendo: Two weeks before they yacht down to separate islands on separate yachts, two mega-socialites on the Southampton scene are heating it up like there is no tomorrow — with each other, not their spouses. The pair have apparently planned an Aspen Christmas trip with their unknowing families so they can cuddle up by a fire and renew their umm . . . acquaintance.