August 23, 2006
Veronica and Jameson like to think that they cause mass hysteria wherever they go. No matter where we are, what we are doing or whom we encounter, strange and crazy things always seem to pop up. No, we may not get asked for our autographs yet and we don't exactly have an entourage to call our own, but believe us we are working on it. (You should probably start thinking about asking for our autographs because eventually those puppies will be worth a fortune.)
Like always, the unimaginable happens to us at Beach Bar on Tuesday night. The first weird encounter starts at the bar when Jameson is getting a drink. "Don't look now but there is a guy next to us totally checking you out!" Jameson's roommate Posh says to her. "Oh yeah? That's awesome. Okay, hold on I'll look in a minute." Jameson looks over and sees the guy Posh is talking about. Sure enough he is staring right at her with a huge smile on his face.
"I can't put my finger on it but there is something kind of off about this guy." Jameson replies. "You're damn straight there is something off about him," Veronica interjects. "That guy is a woman!" We all squint our eyes and notice that the guy has boobs. "Oh man. Just my luck. The only person that has remotely hit on me so far tonight doesn't bat for the right team." We all laugh hysterically and turn to go make a lap around the bar.
Speaking of batting for a team, Jameson and Veronica meet a couple of cute guys as they are doing their lap and start talking to them. Turns out they are in town for the night for a baseball tournament. After chatting for a few minutes one of the more drunk of the bunch asks Jameson for a cigarette. "Yeah, you can have one if you dance for it." "Are you serious?" he asks. "Hell yeah I'm serious. Dance for a minute by yourself over there and I'll gladly give you one. Come on you know nothing in life is free."
This guy had to have been the worst dancer we have ever seen in our lives. We laughed so hard it started to hurt and finally we just had to stop him. Right as he was about to go up to one of his teammates and hump him Veronica yells, "Okay that's enough!" and Jameson hands him his much-deserved prize.
A little later on in the evening we meet a group of more cute guys and start to think it is our lucky night. We talk for a bit and then the guys offer to buy us drinks. Since you can't really turn down a free drink, we head over to the bar with the guys. As we are waiting at the bar the baseball guys from earlier come up from behind them and start talking smack to the guys we are with. "What do you think you guys are doing? Those are our girls and we were gonna buy them drinks first."
One baseball guy pushes the guys we are with and in two seconds flat they are in an all-out brawl. Jameson and Veronica are stunned and drop their jaws in disbelief. These guys are actually beating each other up over who is buying us a beer? The next thing we know a baseball guy has a bloody nose and another one is knocked out and lying on the ground.
The bouncers come to break it up and then all of our men are kicked out of the bar. And we didn't even get our free drinks! We find out later that the guys that were buying us the drinks were on the opposite baseball team that they played that day and they kicked their asses 15-2. So, in actuality they were probably fighting because of that. But we still like to think that it is because we are fabulous.
It has come to our attention that in some parts of New York, five girls living in a house is considered a brothel. Naturally, we make a joke of this. This week at the Publick House we hear the greatest pickup line ever: "So, you want to bang out?" It's perfect. We decide that we will have a party back at the house (the brothel) after the bar only inviting people we ask if they "want to bang out?"
The party becomes a small, fairly innocent little gathering of friends, but we know the truth; most days of the week there is a line outside our door. We charge by the hour. If you have to crash at the house there is a nightly rate, but the rate increases if one of us has to drive you home in the morning. Come visit us sometime, if you can afford it. We're not cheap but we're some of the classiest hookers you'll ever meet! Just don't tell the landlord!
We're having an end of summer bash at the Star Room. Come celebrate with us! The party will be Monday, September 4th (Labor Day). It's a $25 admission with an open bar from 10 p.m. to 2 a.m. Proceeds will be donated to The Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Contact us at email@example.com or www.myspace.com/hamptondaze.