August 02, 2006
QUESTIONS THAT MUST BE ANSWERED
WHERE DID THEY GO?
For as long as I care to remember I've received between five and 10 anti-George W. Bush joke e-mails a day.
Sometimes it's a doctored photo.
Sometimes it's a fake sign.
Sometimes it's an old joke left over from the Reagan administration.
On occasion it is the copy of an anti-Bush speech from some great American like Barbra Streisand, Tim Robbins, Michael Moore or Sean Penn.
Now the majority of the people who send me these messages are good friends of mine who happen to be liberals of the Jewish Persuasion. (OXYMORON, OXYMORON, OXYMORON.)
Since most of my friends are Jews who are liberals and Democrats, I expect them, knowing my fondness for George W., to send me these jokes.
Some days I receive the same joke from four different people.
Now, as I have stated the old "Some of my best friends are…" I will tell you that the first Jewish woman I ever met who was and is a Republican was The Beautiful Judy Licht.
Naturally, I quickly married her thereby cornering the market on pro-choice, pro stem cell, pro Gay rights Jewish Republican women.
So a few weeks ago along came Hezbollah and Hamas and they attacked Israel.
Naturally the UN and that corrupt, anti-Semitic, anti-American scumbag Kofi Annan immediately wanted Israel to turn the other cheek. But George W Bush's reaction was fantastic.
He backed Israel all the way.
He refused to step in and call for a cease-fire.
He refused to step in and let the Hezbollah and Hamas thugs kidnap and kill Israeli soldiers and not be punished for their actions. It's a horrible situation because when wars start the victims are often little children on both sides.
Bush didn't buy the terrorists, "They hit us second so we hit them first," argument.
From the first day Bush made it clear that he was backing Israel's right to defend itself, the jokes stopped.
I have not received a single joke about Bush.
Weeks have gone by.
Not a single e-mail. I check my blackberry every minute. I wake up in the middle of the night looking for a joke, even an old one.
Come on guys, I miss them.
A man cannot live alone on e-mails from Nigerians who have hidden away millions of dollars and want to share them with him, a complete stranger.
I'm breathlessly informed by e-mail 10 times a day that I have just won another lottery.
But these are strangers trying to scam me.
I'm longing for a joke from a Liberal, Jewish, Democrat friend.
Come on guys, I'm begging you.
I won't believe just because George W. Bush is a great friend to Israel and will always back it 100% that you have gone soft for him . . . even on this issue.
You've sent me millions of jokes about Bush's reaction to wars and natural disasters before so that's not what's holding you back. Start me off with an old one. How about the one that ends with the line:
"We're saved, the leader of The Free World George W. Bush just jumped out of the plane wearing the boy scouts' backpack?"
I've received that one at least 500 times.
How about the old, "The Bush library was destroyed before he had finished coloring his first book!" That's one that I received a thousand times.
There is a woman who shall go unnamed (OK her first name is Sara) who has sent me that one at least 50 times which tells me that the hatred Jewish Liberals have for George Bush first destroyed their memories and now their sense of humor.
WHERE DO THEY LIVE?
Does anyone know where Kevin (I Like Mike) Burke, the guy who runs Con Edison, and Richie (Let there be Dark) Kessel, the so-called Chairman of LIPA, live?
What do you want to bet they have never had a blackout or a brownout anywhere near their homes?
I think it should be the law that when we have a blackout for over 24 hours they should be required to change places with a poor family that's living in the blackout zone.
Wouldn't you feel a lot better if one of them showed up bruised and bandaged at a press conference and you heard him say: "The lights were out. I got up in the middle of the night to pee and I fell down a flight of stairs with my (Blank) in my hand!" It would make them more human and sympathetic than the weasels they sound like now when they try to explain the human suffering they've caused with their lack of preparedness.
WHEN WILL IT HAPPEN?
They're predicting a few hurricanes will hit the East End this year.
Tell the truth — aren't you kind of looking forward to it? Actually if you get into your car after you read this you have at least a 50/50 chance of getting to safety during the so called Coastal Evacuation. But you still like the idea of a hurricane coming because it's like telling ghost stories to scare yourself.
What is it about us? The temperature is predicted to hit 100 and all of us say: I wonder what it would be like if it hits 110? In the winter you're not happy with nine inches of snow — you secretly wonder what 30 inches of snow would be like and don't deny it, while it's snowing, you secretly start rooting for more. Got you didn't I.
WHERE DID IT GO?
The summer. What happened? It was June a day ago. I realize that there is nothing about this summer that I remember except for the happy sounds my 5-year-old grandson William made when he discovered he was old enough and could swim well enough to cannonball into the pool.
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