August 02, 2006
Samdup Thockmay is a Tibetan monk, a seer and a prophet. He manages a convenience store in Flushing.
Today: Remember when you frolicked in the long grass with your lover, smiling and singing a happy song? It was right before the Vice Squad came.
Birthday: Judge Lance Ito
Watch out for: People who use spittoons
Be grateful: You lose weight when you have constant diarrhea.
Tomorrow: Do not get into an automobile if you expect to see Friday.
Birthday: Roger Clemens
Watch out for: The nun with the bad habit and the explosives strapped onto her back.
Be grateful: There is an afterlife.
Friday: Feast from the sea and rejuvenate your mind: horseshoe crab sushi is recommended.
Birthday: Neil Armstrong
Watch out for: The guy with the foamy mouth
Be grateful: It's not jock itch, it's lice.
Saturday: Don't let "the man" tell you what you can and cannot do. If you want to walk around in your underwear with a kielbasa stuck inside, well, that's OK.
Birthday: Jon Benet Ramsey
Watch out for: Men in lavender
Be grateful: They're going to lance your boil.
Sunday: Remember when your mom locked you in the closet for wetting your bed? You were 23 at the time.
Birthday: Charlize Theron
Watch out for: The bottle with the skeleton's skull
Be grateful: You'll be better off dead.
Monday: Holy men and mystics pray for your demise.
Birthday: Esther Williams
Watch out for: The neighbor with the tweezers
Be grateful: The gnomes and dwarves think you're pretty tall.
Tuesday: It's going to be hot and humid, with a good chance of showers in your underwear.
Birthday: Deion Sanders
Watch out for: The diseased raccoon in your garbage pail
Be grateful: Rabies is painful but not fatal.