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August 02, 2006

Thought For The Day


Samdup Thockmay is a Tibetan monk, a seer and a prophet. He manages a convenience store in Flushing.

Today: Remember when you frolicked in the long grass with your lover, smiling and singing a happy song? It was right before the Vice Squad came.

Birthday: Judge Lance Ito

Watch out for: People who use spittoons

Be grateful: You lose weight when you have constant diarrhea.

Tomorrow: Do not get into an automobile if you expect to see Friday.

Birthday: Roger Clemens

Watch out for: The nun with the bad habit and the explosives strapped onto her back.

Be grateful: There is an afterlife.

Friday: Feast from the sea and rejuvenate your mind: horseshoe crab sushi is recommended.

Birthday: Neil Armstrong

Watch out for: The guy with the foamy mouth

Be grateful: It's not jock itch, it's lice.

Saturday: Don't let "the man" tell you what you can and cannot do. If you want to walk around in your underwear with a kielbasa stuck inside, well, that's OK.

Birthday: Jon Benet Ramsey

Watch out for: Men in lavender

Be grateful: They're going to lance your boil.

Sunday: Remember when your mom locked you in the closet for wetting your bed? You were 23 at the time.

Birthday: Charlize Theron

Watch out for: The bottle with the skeleton's skull

Be grateful: You'll be better off dead.

Monday: Holy men and mystics pray for your demise.

Birthday: Esther Williams

Watch out for: The neighbor with the tweezers

Be grateful: The gnomes and dwarves think you're pretty tall.

Tuesday: It's going to be hot and humid, with a good chance of showers in your underwear.

Birthday: Deion Sanders

Watch out for: The diseased raccoon in your garbage pail

Be grateful: Rabies is painful but not fatal.

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