August 02, 2006

Indy Gossip & Whispers

All the little people in our industry — the flotsam and jetsam, the reporters and photographers from these tired local papers and mindless summer glam mags, are complaining about the "situation" at Bridgehampton Polo.

After years of coveting press coverage, indeed salivating for it, this year's edition is limiting press credentials and giving the working stiffs a hard time. It seems that Neil Hirsch has sent word that the common scum should be weeded out.

First, a word about Hirsch: he finances his team, White Birch, strictly so he can play. Otherwise, he'd be an old has-been ready for a colostomy bag, a walker and a spittoon to catch his drool.

That said, the local press have taken it out on us because we have 24-hour access to the event, the ponies and all the players (and we mean players) as well as celebrities.

Folks, we are Kandy and Spades. We are celebs. We are not little turds doomed to a life of nothingness like you poor slobs in the working press. In fact, we've asked Hirsh to keep you away from us. Be gone, common pond scum.

That said, it was a blissful weekend for the rich and famous. Super Saturday at Nova's Ark was a mega-event, raising $2.5 million for the Ovarian Cancer Research Fund. Even in the oppressive heat, Kelly Ripa, Christy Turlington, Barbara Walters and Star Jones were among the shoppers. Word to Star: Listen up, girl: I know we've made fun of you eating like a freakin' cow and all but we're sorry. Girl, you need to start hittin' the trough again. You too skinny now. Go ahead. Put five tons of potatoes and some pork gravy into the trough, get down on your knees and stick your head in. Go ahead. Do it now!

Ho alert! Ho alert. This was Super Ho sightage! Nicolette Sheridan, dat ho. At Maci and Morris Reid's house for the VH1 Save the Music shindig. Spades was on her like a black fly, buzzin' and stingin' her all over.

Meanwhile, over at the aforementioned polo match, Chloe Sevigny and Heather Graham held court as the designated paid poop smellers. Spades could barely keep it in — his tongue, that is. The two dolls had him mesmerized; he was whirling like a dervish in order to get closer views of the cleavel action. Kandy, meanwhile, was in full groinal pursuit of a rarer bird, the Brazilian player with the cute buns. Both intrepid reporters issued thumbs-up the following morning, meaning direct hits on targets were made.

SIGHTINGS: Blythe Danner, at Atlantic beach in Amagansett, sweetly entertaining some old local birds who spotted her . . . news anchor Maurice Dubois in East Hampton . . . "The Sopranos" Aida Turturro in her bare feet and tattered shorts at SS in Water Mill. (Thank God she wasn't at polo.) Also from the show was Tony's beleaguered wife Edie Falco . . . Mark Cohn, a smash at The Talkhouse . . . Susan Sarandon, a tiny, sweet, doll, at Russell Simmons' Art for Life benefit.

RUMOR AND INNUENDO: What leering film producer has a bulge for a young busboy at East Hampton's most famous restaurant? Seems he can't stop himself from openly flirting, embarrassing the young man, and the other guests. The busboy gets a better tip than the waiter! What up wit dat? Only in The Hamptons.

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