Gurney's Inn
July 19, 2006

Thought For The Day

Samdup Thockmay is a Tibetan monk, a seer and a prophet. He manages a convenience store in Flushing.

Today: Snow is nothing more than God's dandruff.

Birthday: Lizzie Borden, 1860

Watch out for: Hunchbacks eating Roquefort cheese

Be grateful: The Muslims didn't see the cartoon you drew.

Tomorrow: You're just like summer's flowers: you smell like perfume until the dogs pee on you.

Birthday: Natalie Wood, 1938

Watch out for: Dung

Be grateful: You're too insignificant to matter.

Friday: Remember Gandolf gave the ring to the most innocent among God's creatures — like yourself. Or maybe, to the ones with the hideously big and hairy feet, like yours.

Birthday: Hemingway, 1899

Watch out for: The e-mail from the "Hot Teen in Dallas"

Be grateful: You'll have a colostomy bag soon.

Saturday: This is a day to prance, skip, throw your head back, let your hair down and laugh out loud! (Officer, arrest that freakazoid — the children are scared.)

Birthday: Rose Kennedy, 1890

Watch out for: People named Leon

Be grateful: The puss looks good on your face.

Sunday: Drink deep from the fountain of youth, you old fart.

Birthday: Don Imus, 1940

Watch out for: The skinheads with chain saws

Be grateful: They only wish to maim you, not kill you.

Monday: Angels fly over you, watching and protecting God's favorite child (yeah, sure they do).

Birthday: Barry Bonds, 1968

Watch out for: People who talk about dead things

Be grateful: People pity you.

Tuesday: This is a good day to make "fart" noises in the elevator

Birthday: Matt LeBlanc, 1967

Watch out for: Greasy noses

Be grateful: The clinic is open.

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Gurney's Inn