Hardy Plumbing
July 19, 2006

Hampton Daze


Hampton Daze Goes To The City

. . . And boy was it a daze. We've reported on a variety of strange boys whom we've met on our adventures in past columns.

This night takes the cake for meeting the most of them. It's like these boys have radar when we enter a room and just swarm to us. Radar, like some people have gay-dar — obviously we don't, which we will explain later in the column.

Veronica and Jameson spent a night at the Bowery Ballroom seeing the band Cursive. We got to the show early so we sat down at the bar and had a couple drinks. This is when Jameson realizes her psychic abilities are real. "Veronica, I have this really weird feeling that I am going to see Brian tonight." Brian is Jameson's ex-boyfriend from when she was 15, whom she hasn't seen in a year. Sure enough, the cosmic stars were aligned and not even five minutes after Jameson said this . . . "Look over there!" Jameson screams pointing to the door. In walks Brian with a huge 'fro and both girls cannot believe their eyes.

"You really are psychic. And I thought that was just your excuse for keeping strange men away like at The Foggy Goggle that night," says Veronica. Brian walks over and talks to Jameson for a few minutes and she is quite pleased that he looks like he got hit by the ugly bus.

People start piling in and we realize that not that many people are accompanying us at the bar. "There are some cute boys here," says Jameson. Veronica agrees, "Just look for the wristbands," she says. Since the show is 16+ naturally we need to be careful.

Two boys walk up Jameson and Veronica. Their names are Joe and Jar. "So, did you girls get those shirts at Old Navy?" asks Jar. Ah, great pickup line... don't you just love it when people confuse Calypso with Old Navy? "Where did you get your shirt, The Gap?" asks Jameson. Jar was wearing a shirt with Allen Ginsberg on the front. "Do you even know who this is?" he asks snottily. "Yes, Howl, we know it, and we know you didn't get that shirt at The Gap," replies Veronica. The boys sit down to chat. "Let's play some drinking games," they suggest. We start playing "Never Have I Ever," different number games and basically anything we could think of. "Take a guess, what nationality are we: Irish, Jewish, or Italian? If you get it wrong you drink," say the boys. Then they start grilling us. "Name every song on this Cursive album in 30 seconds or you girls have to buy us a drink. And if you can't, you're not true fans!" Sorry no can do, we know the band well, but we do have lives. At least we know that 'Jewish' is not a nationality.

"We have to use the bathroom." As we get up we hear the boys, "It's not working, they aren't going to get us drinks." Veronica and Jameson look at each other and laugh, "We didn't look for the wristbands!" We should have taken a hint when during the "Never Have I Ever" game, Joe confessed to being a virgin. They were probably 16.

After returning from the bathroom we sit back down at the bar and met two very attractive boys, both wearing wristbands! We start talking to them and tell them the story about the "underagers." They offer to beat them up and they buy us drinks. We like them. We hang out for a little while longer before the band comes on and we go watch the show.

After the show we see the boys outside and decide to go to another bar in Alphabet City with them since one of their friends is bartending. Basically it's a basement with a bunch of gender-confused hipsters dancing like maniacs. Dorothy, we're not in the Hamptons anymore, but the boys are very nice and very, very cute. All of a sudden one of them kisses Jameson and the other kisses Veronica. Then even more suddenly they start making out with each other. Yeah, we didn't see that one coming. Too much for us country girls, we decide to leave the boys to each other and be on our way.

The night continued with Veronica and Jameson walking around the city for hours trying to find somewhere else to go. Ending up at the Waverly Diner where Veronica yells at the waiter for not remembering her (she lived down the block three years ago, so really he has some nerve not remembering her!). We take a cab back to Weehawken, New Jersey to a friend's house and get lost for hours.

During this cab ride however, we kept ourselves entertained by drunk dialing just about everyone in Veronica's phone (including Kanye West). After chatting it up with Kanye about who knows what for a few minutes, the phone gets ripped out of Jameson's hand. "Sorry to hang up on your boyfriend like that but I need directions!" Veronica yelps. "How the hell do we know where we're going in Weehawken, every street looks the same!"

We decide that after this eventful night we need to go to the city more often. It's good material.

As a little side note, Jameson and Veronica went to see friends band Supercargoman play at a Riverhead Bowling Alley a couple of nights before and met a few strange cats there as well. One older lady was drunk and yelling slurs at the band for no reason and it reminded them of a scene from Half Baked. She kept pointing at each band member saying "You suck, you suck, you're cool, you suck!"

It was absolutely hilarious! We thought that this issue would give us a chance to plug Supercargoman because they need more fans and are really good live. Check them out and invite them as your friend at www.myspace.com/httpwwwsupercargomancom. Tell them Hampton Daze sent you!

Contact us at hamptonsdaze@yahoo.com or www.myspace.com/hamptondaze.

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