July 19, 2006
KL: Hello, hello? I'm trying to call President Bush. Hello? Hello, Mr. President? This is Ken Lay.
Prez: Kenny Boy! How the hell are ya?
KL: Well, actually, I'm dead.
Prez: Jeez. That's worse than being bankrupt! You're having a bad decade, Kenny Boy!
KL: Well, actually Sir, it's . . . I'm . . . vacationing, so to speak. But if anyone asks you, I'm dead.
Prez: OH, now I get it. You're with some little ol' Southern peach in Hawaii, but if your missus calls me, I should say you're dead?
KL: Let's start from the beginning. Remember Enron?
Prez: Of course. I helped deregulate energy prices so you guys could make your big killing in California. Great idea, buddy!
KL: Yeah, well . . . remember we got indicted and the company went under and all of our employees got gypped of their pensions?
Prez: Yeah. What was really funny is right after they found out you spent all their retirement money, I announced we wuz cutting Social Security! Man, people must have been really squirming, huh?
KL: Well, yeah. I mean, not all people, just the little people. Anyhow, I know you've been busy but I got convicted and I was going to be sentenced to, like, 80 years in prison.
Prez: Christ. You'll be way too old to play golf by the time you get out.
KL: You're missing the point, Mr. President. I'd be dead.
Prez: But you're dead now . . .
KL: I mean, really dead.
Prez: I didn't know there were degrees of deadness. Is that John F. Kennedy really dead or just a little dead?
KL: He's really dead, Sir.
Prez: Thank God — we don't need any more of them around here. Let me ask you something, Kenny Boy. Is Hillary Clinton dead?
KL: No, she's very much alive.
KL: So anyhow, that's why I had to die, Mr. President.
Prez: Kenny Boy, you know I wouldn't have let anything happen to you. If you got sent to jail I was gonna issue you a Presidential pardon.
KL: You was?
Prez: Of course! So, you see, you don't have to be dead anymore. Why don't you and that peach of yours come over for lunch and afterwards we can play a little golf. Hey! I got me an idea! You wanna go hunting with me and Vice President Cheney?
KL: No thanks, Sir. I'm too young to die.