July 05, 2006

Thought For The Day

Samdup Thockmay is a Tibetan monk, a seer and a prophet. He manages a convenience store in Flushing.

Today: If you are reading this right now, you must realize how bored you are.

Birthday: Huey Lewis, 1951

Watch out for: The Dark Lord with the bad hair

Be grateful: People laugh at you behind your back and not to your face.

Tomorrow: Chant your secret mantra out loud and be rewarded with courage and dignity: Shout it out! "I am snot, I am snot . . . "

Birthday: George W. Bush, 1946

Watch out for: The tragic event that will happen next Tuesday

Be grateful: Your good to go for tomorrow.

Friday: Take a nice dip in the ocean and cleanse your mind, your body and your filthy underwear.

Birthday: Ringo Starr, 1940

Watch out for: Ticks, bats and snakes

Be grateful: Things have got to get better (or, maybe not . . .)

Saturday: You must be really popular at work because your co-workers have given you a fun nickname: Urine breath.

Birthday: Kevin Bacon, 1958

Watch out for: The milk that goes bad

Be grateful: The sour cream is still sour

Sunday: Today is the day to pray to the Lord for his guidance and comfort and a way out of this terrible mess you're in. Unfortunately, a lot of people will be doing that today, and he probably won't hear you.

Birthday: Courtney Love, 1964

Watch out for: The nerve gas

Be grateful: No one will miss you

Monday: Remind yourself anew of the things you need to do to get ahead: wipe more thoroughly, stop perspiring like a freakin' shower head, and stop mumbling about open wounds and guts.

Birthday: Jessica Simpson, 1980

Watch out for: That stuff you're putting on the pasta isn't Parmesan, it's grated toe cheese.

Be grateful: You're so pathetic a couple other losers feel sorry for you.

Tuesday: Read the words of the scriptures and find wisdom in the verses (in other words, go away and leave us alone).

Birthday: Suzanne Vega, 1959

Watch out for: The spilling spittoon

Be grateful: It's on the rug and not your head.

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