July 05, 2006

Gossip & Whispers

It's all downhill from here, kids, the big weekend is over. And what a Fourth it was! So who was here?

The usual blueblood yachting types. You know the ones — ascots, white linen jackets, plaid shorts, deck shoes. Jolly good and all that — "Join me for a spot of tea" types. Like, well, like . . . Mike Tyson?

Yes, in Sag Harbor, the yacht is The Summer Wind. The entourage is big and loud. Spades, go over to that table and tell those big lugs to shut up or you'll kick their asses. Go ahead, Spades. Spades? Whatever are you doing on the floor, boy? Get up from under the table, you little sissy-boy!

How did the big thug look? Well, his gold teeth made him look like that guy in the James Bond movie. And he has tattoos on his freakin' face — what up wit dat? But the boys ate and played and tipped very well and dat's da name of dat tune, as Baretta used to say before he shot his wife.

Who else did we see?

Rappers, dat who. Jam Master Flash, Jazzy Jay, Lewdicuss, Ja Rule, Lil' Kim, Medium Size Kim, Great Big Fat Hog Kim, and so on. Where the Par-Tay?

Page Six didn't know, oh no

They not hip to it

Who was? Be true

Dat Kandy was, dat who

Get out, girl! You wuz there?

I was there down and square


Where dat be? Private Par-tay. Maybe at The Phat Farm. Really can't say, Ok? Don't want to get capped and left in no Boneyard. So just back off, white trash!

SIGHTING: Speaking of thugs, John Gotti Jr. was spotted buying a bottle of Italian (duh) red wine at East Hampton's Red Horse Plaza — Chianti, hold the fava beans . . . As we reported last week Gwyneth Paltrow is indeed here, and so is her Mom, Blythe Danner, and yes, the two children Plymouth and Guinness are here as well . . . Colin Powell, a frequent visitor to Bridgehampton, where his longtime buddy Bruce Llewellyn lives. Powell was spotted sans security in King Kullen . . . Kate Capshaw, looking radiant on Newtown Lane in equestrian attire and baseball cap . . . Larry Brown (and wife), the former coach of the Knicks, with plenty of free time on his hands. He was at North Fork Bank, where he hopefully will soon be depositing the $40 million the Knicks still owe him.

Rumors and Innuendo: Debbie Harry, a.k.a. "Blondie" will be performing on Shelter Island at the ACRIA benefit next Saturday along with Mary McBride, who can be heard on the Brokeback Mountain soundtrack singing "Hey Cowboy, Doncha Want A Piece of This Action?" and, "I Shoulda Rode Old What's-His-Name."

And they're off!

City People goes to the early lead followed by Big SUV and Obnoxious Diner. Traffic, Bottleneck, and Long Wait bring up the rear. Down the backstretch it's City People and Big SUVs but here comes Pushy Rich Broad and Grotesque Facelift. Now it's Pushy Rich Broad and Obnoxious Diner coming down the stretch but here comes Hairy Gay Guy and Bitch In Heat. Bitch in Heat . . . Hairy Gay Guy . . . and at the wire it's . . . Nightmare For Locals by a mile!

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