Hardy Plumbing
June 28, 2006

On The Beat


Repeated Injuries And Usurpations

We find these truths to be self evident: for some people, the pursuit of happiness ends with a loss of liberty. Mostly because said pursuit,involves, well, illegal activities. Where to begin in this special July 4 edition of Cops?

A decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that we should declare the causes which impel people to possess weapons. One 18 year-old Brentwood fellow was in a revolutionary state of mind when he yelled vulgarities at the Southampton Police (he must have thought they were agents of the King) outside of the Hampton Bays Diner on Saturday. The blue coats pulled him over and found not a musket but a dagger in his car, resulting in him being carted away on weapons possession charges.

The war at home led one 46 year-old Flanders woman to be shackled on assault two charges after she slashed her husband with a knife during a dispute on June 19. A "highly intoxicated" Sag Harbor gent was jumped by three or four hooligans outside Neptune's in Hampton Bays on Sunday, according to Southampton cops. He was left with a broken jaw. A homeless man was attacked in a similar fashion on Peconic Ave. in Riverhead on June 20 by four unidentified men. He suffered a broken jaw. A 16 year-old Hampton Bays delinquent was hauled off on criminal contempt charges on June 19 after he violated an order of protection and attacked his mother after she refused to give him money.

The East Hampton cops are heavy-handed when it comes to censorship (descendents of King George, I tell you), but we do know this much about a 33 year-old East Hampton man arrested for menacing on Saturday. He and the object of menace "were hanging out . . . drinking" when "they came home and got into an argument." Where's the love, man?

Police in Riverhead subdued a woman who they believed were in possession of a grenade. Oh, most barbarous age.

Refusal To Assent To Laws

Perhaps a need to stockpile for the coming revolution led a 56 year-old East Hampton man to steal more than a grand in goods from the K-Mart in Bridgehampton last Friday. He faces grand larceny charges. A 40 year-old Hampton Bays woman feels that someone imposed taxes on her without her consent — she received a $1400 electric bill from LIPA for a house where she has never lived. The unknown electric user faces ID theft charges. A 70 year-old Hampton Bays man's bank account was $1000 lighter after someone made repeated withdrawals without his consent during the months of May and June. Two Southampton men, 22 and 30 years-old were robbed of $600 and $700, respectively, when they were jumped by a group of men on N. Magee St. in Tuckahoe on Sunday.

Two moisture meters and a digital cameral valued at more than $1600 were stolen from a West Lake Dr., Montauk abode last Thursday. Forty CDs and an iPod (no doubt filled with tunes by Frances Scott Key and John Phillips Sousa) were stolen from a car at Copeces Lane in East Hampton between June 16 and 17. Means of entry into the car? Smashing in the back window. A floor edger valued at $2000 was stolen from a home on Abraham's Landing Rd. in Amagansett; a $900 self-priming pump was stolen from a Clearview Dr. East Hampton casa.

In Riverhead, a $500 go-cart was carted away from a shed on Main Street. A resident of West Street reported two mountain bikes, valued at $1699, were taken from his shed.

Perfidy Scarcely Paralleled

Alcohol led to the undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions last week. Well, maybe not, but it got some people arrested. Southampton cops reported six DWIs, East Hampton cops, four. It was the usual list of offenses that tipped off police about the tipplers — slurred speech, erratic driving, and motor vehicle accidents, behavior totally unworthy of the inhabitants of a civilized nation.

And so, we declare this version of cops to come to an end, yet we continue to wonder how this bunch of rabble rousers have been deaf to the voice of justice and of consanguinity. We must, therefore, acquiesce in the necessity, and hold them, as we hold the rest of mankind, enemies in war, in peace, friends.

Additional reporting by Erica Jackson and Lisa Finn

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