June 28, 2006
Samdup Thockmay is a Tibetan monk, a seer and a prophet. He manages a convenience store in Flushing.
Today: Remember when you were a cute, intelligent little kid? Neither do we.
Birthday: Mel Brooks, 1926
Watch out for: Weekenders with bad hair and a bad attitude
Be grateful: If it wasn't for bad luck you would have no luck at all
Tomorrow: You can do what you want, but picking your nose is not good etiquette at home or in a restaurant.
Birthday: Gary Busey, 1944
Watch out for: The man in the tight bathing suit
Be grateful: Your mate is half-blind
Friday: You worry because people don't talk to you, that your life is dull and lonely. People don't talk to you not because you're dull, though you are, but because you're ugly and it hurts to look at you.
Birthday: Mike Tyson, 1966
Watch out for: The man hiding under your porch late at night
Be grateful: You have herpes simplex but not duplex
Saturday: Make sure to get out to the beach and enjoy the sun. Please wrap a towel around yourself so that others can enjoy it, too.
Birthday: Liv Tyler, 1977
Watch out for: The diseased rat in your garbage
Be grateful: No one cares when a nobody like you screws up
Sunday: OK, you made a mistake . . . now put your pants back on and go out the back door.
Birthday: Lindsay Lohan, 19
Watch out for: The terrorist on the bus
Be grateful: Your breath smells worse than the cheese
Monday: You can take your temperature by sticking your big toe in your ear chanting a mantra. Try it in the movie theater; it really works.
Birthday: Franz Kafka, 1883
Watch out for: The creep with the acne and the box cutter
Be grateful: Your wounds aren't life-threatening
Tuesday: Oh man, that huge mole on your face is really swollen and infected. Oh, never mind, that's your nose.
Birthday: George Steinbrenner, 1930
Watch out for: The mule with the saliva
Be grateful: You're not a duck out of water; you're an odd duck