Hardy Plumbing
June 21, 2006
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WE WERE SAILING ALONG ON GUANTANAMO BAY


It seems that everyone, including President Bush, wants to close the Guantanamo Bay prison. Let the terrorists out. Give them one-way tickets to the United States. Tell them, "Hey guys, sorry we held you. Sorry we caught you trying to kill us. Sorry we roughed you up after you killed our GIs or were caught in bombing plots all over the world. Sorry we took your computers that showed your plans to kill us. Sorry we went into your hard drives to get information on bombing plots. We're ashamed. This is America, the land of the free and you should be free to kill our children and us. You should be free to plot our destruction."

Doesn't anyone remember September 11, 2001 anymore? Think back. Remember how angry and frightened you were that day? How about the day after — September 12? Remember how mad you were that day? Remember the heartbreaking months of funerals and memorial services? Remember the sadness of seeing pictures of children who would never see their parents again? Doesn't anyone remember the tears we all shed?

If you can't remember those days, surely you must remember the stirring speeches made by Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch the day after the World Trade Center fell. You don't remember? Actually, neither do I. Surely they said something about the rights and lives of those innocent Americans.

Maybe the people who fell out of the sky or were crushed by the fall of the buildings at the World Trade Center did not have their rights threatened by Mohammed Atta when he succeeded in his plot to run planes into buildings, killing thousands just because they didn't happen to share his religion.

Atta is interesting because if we had caught him on September 10, our world would have been a happier place and Mohammed would have been sent to a prison like Guantanamo.

Let's say Atta was behind the plot but didn't fly on that day — he just convinced the other pigs to fly and destroy the buildings. And let's say we caught Atta red-handed. Of course, he would have been sent off to Guantanamo Bay prison. Let's have a show of hands as to who would want him treated with kid gloves? Here are some excerpts from the Internet as to how members of Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch feel about Guantanamo. All I ask you, my dear readers, is to repeat the name "Mohammed Atta" after every sentence you read:

Guantanamo Bay — a human rights scandal

The unlawful detention of "enemy combatants" at the U.S. Naval Base at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba has now entered its fifth year. Hundreds of people of around 35 different nationalities remain held in effect in a legal black hole, many without access to any court, legal counsel or family visits.

U.S. Bush Should Close Guantanamo Now

President George W. Bush should shut the Guantanamo Bay detention facility now and not wait for a Supreme Court ruling, Human Rights Watch said today. The coercive interrogation techniques practiced at Guantanamo severely complicate the possibility of future trials. When a confession is coerced from a criminal suspect, it can be difficult to prove, as due process requires, that his later prosecution is not based on the fruits of that coercion.

Hundreds more detainees are apparently not slated for prosecution. Instead, they are being held because they allegedly engaged in hostilities or were allegedly connected to groups like the Taliban or al-Qaeda.

Human Rights Watch is also concerned that some detainees face return to countries where they may face torture or other abuse. At present, there is no meaningful mechanism to allow detainees to challenge their possible return to a country where they would be subject to mistreatment.

Ok here's my plan: Let's close Guantanamo and send all the prisoners to Amnesty International and Human Rights Watch. I say they each have a letter pinned to them that says:

Dear Human Rights Watch Person,

Mohammed has been a prisoner at Guantanamo since he was caught trying to blow up a school bus in Afghanistan. He has been sleep deprived so make sure he gets plenty of sleep. He has killed before so be sure you lock your children's bedrooms before you go to sleep. He will stone you unless your arms and legs are covered so we would suggest you wear a burka at all times.

Should he order a few tons of explosive fertilizer on the Internet, it's probably because he wants to plant some peace daisies.

Good Luck,

America.

If you wish to comment on "Jerry's Ink," send your message to jerry@dfjp.com.

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