June 21, 2006
It's a Bird, It's a Plane, It's Batdyke!
Leapin' Lizards! For the first time since 1979, Batwoman is coming out of the Batcave. And I do mean O-U-T. She's now a lesbian and proud of it.
"We've given her a different point of view" stated DC Comics' Vice President & Editor Dan DiDio. "We wanted to make her a more unique personality than others in the Bat-family." I dare say. (Although, I always had my doubts about the original Batman and Robin. God only knows what they got up to at night when the gauntlet gloves came off and the butler was rinsing out their tights.)
Anyway, if Batman gets ideas about putting the moves on his female counterpart, he can just forget it. They've resurrected a gay superheroine and, from the preliminary sketches I've seen, she's some hot piece of work. She's described as being 5'10" with a mane of red hair, and a smoking body. She wears a black, sprayed-on tight bodysuit that makes Madonna look like Whistler's Mother. The outfit is completed by knee-high boots with stiletto heals and a disco-ready Batcape lined in red. She'll burn up the cheap comic strip paper she's printed on, baby! Holy Lipstick Lesbian!
I'm so happy for you girls — the young ones just testing their Batwings, of course. And all the Batbabes out there who are ready for a bit of fun and some top-notch action. The previous Batwoman was started in 1956 and she was a real nellie.
Like everything in the age of Mamie Eisenhower, Leave it to Beaver and those enormous land yachts produced by Detroit, she was designed to accommodate old-school white men's visions of what a female crime fighter should be. She was such a little cupcake, they drew her carrying a pink purse on her villain-busting adventures. God help us.
You won't be seeing any of that crap in this re-vamp: she's more Dominatrix than I Dream of Jeannie. I have a feeling straight guys will like her as well. They have a certain voyeuristic fascination with lesbian sexuality. They fantasize two hot women will invite the studly male to join in the 'lesbiantics'. Dream on MacDuff. . . As for gay men, we're definitely on board with the latest star of the DC Comics lineup. It's not just women who watch The L Word, you know.
Batdyke comes with a bit of baggage, as we all do. Her name is Kathy Kane and she's one of Gotham's top society gals — a real deb. She's already crossed paths with Bruce Wayne (that's Batman's off-duty persona). They've probably chewed some rubber chicken together over the years at local fundraisers. Here's the part I just love: her ex-girlfriend is lady detective Renee Montoya. Don't you feel like you know these girls? I just wonder how well they know each other. Is Renee onto Kathy's true identity? It's hard to keep these nighttime forays secret from your partner. Believe me, I know.
Maybe this whole double life business contributed to their breakup. Rest assured there's going to be a movie someday. I think they should cast Nicole Kidman and Katie Holmes as the two female leads, and Tom Cruise could play The Preacher Ė Gotham's over-the-top religious fanatic. His character will become violently ill as he spies on their passionate lovemaking. It's all too kinetic for words. I'd stand in line to see it.
Flashback to DC Comics HQ and you'll find DiDio overwhelmed with reactions to the news of his latest lavender creation. "It's kind of weird," he said. "We had a feeling it would attract some attention, but we're a little surprised it did this much. We're trying for overall diversity in the DC universe." Where do you think you're living Dan Ė in Amsterdam? I'm confident you won't be selling a lot of Lesbian Action Figures in the Red States. The White House won't be passing out copies of Batwoman Comics at the next Easter Egg Roll. Gayview says, "Bravo"! You're now one of our heroes. We think of you as AC/DC Comics.