Hardy Plumbing
June 21, 2006

Hamptons Daze

The Foreigners

Step right up, step right up ladies and gents! It's officially mating season again. You know the feeling in the air. The smell of flowers and fresh-cut grass — well not ours, it's about three feet tall, if any boys want to mow our lawn, no shirt required, we'll cook you dinner and buy you beer — really gets the juices flowing and the hearts pumping.

Mating season has begun and girls are wearing less and less, giving guys more of a reason to come out at night and stare at all the fresh meat. It's a freak show unlike any other on the planet.

Step right up and see the girl in the corner showing some leg as she stumbles over to a guy in a wife beater who's half in the bag. Watch as she attempts to attract him with her half-closed eyes. She bats her eyelashes and applies more edible lip-gloss.

Jameson knows that this is no season to try and find love, and it is especially pointless to try and find it in a bar. She doesn't like to admit when she has fallen for a guy, yet unfortunately she did. Doug started out as a friend and yes, they still are. Oh well, you win some, you lose some. Well at least she made a lot friends out of it; Doug's friends are pretty awesome. Now that that fling is over, Jameson decides she needs to suck it up and read Be Honest, You're Just Not That Into Him Either and get back in the game. She enjoys mating season, for all its obvious reasons. Cute out-of-town boys, countless things to do at night, and an occasional kiss from a stranger. So put on your helmets, grab your jock strap and let the games begin!

There are a lot of foreigners out this summer and Jameson and Veronica think they may have met them all this week. Veronica's personal favorite was a gorgeous Argentinean polo player she mingled with at The Cigar Bar. He didn't speak English very well but that's all right. She gets the basic info out of him. He lives in Bridgehampton, he has a name, he's 25, he KNOWS NACHO FIGUERAS!!

Veronica has been to many polo matches at the Bridgehampton polo club and has decided that Nacho may be one of the best-looking men alive.

Naturally, the fact that this cute boy has ridden a horse beside the cutest man alive is very impressive. They attempt a conversation for a little longer, which goes mostly like this:

Veronica: "What did you say?"

Cute polo player: "What?"

Veronica: "What?"

Cute polo player: "What you? Eh, maybe we don't need to speak?"

Funny how he got that last sentence out perfectly. They exchange numbers and decide to meet up when the polo games begin. Hey, maybe she'll get to meet Nacho.

The next night we meet some cute Irish boys at the Beach Bar. Turns out they are our neighbors. We invite them over for a BBQ a few days later. We figured it was the least we could do, welcoming them to the neighborhood. It was a good time even though we were cleaning beer bottles off the front lawn the next morning, crazy Irish. Veronica thinks that one of them walked off with her favorite pair of sunglasses, $2 blue aviators that she has had for over a year (that is a record). Sunglasses that were complemented by Andrew Keegan himself. Sunglasses she hoped to keep and wear for the rest of her life. Oh

well, no use crying, at least she got to hang out with a cute Irish boy

who resembled Adam Brody.

Jameson's favorite new foreigner is Irish and has quite a bit of a chain-smoking problem. One of Jameson's favorite drinking pastimes is showing off her muscles in arm wrestling. Of course she never really beats any of the guys she plays, unless you count the one gay guy she beat at Wolfies last year. Man, that was a thrill and a half!

Anyway, Jameson asks her new Irish friend if he is up to the challenge and he goes for it. They clear off a table outside and we wait for an audience to grow around it. All of his Irish friends on one side and my girlfriends on the other (thanks for the support, Veronica). Three, two, oneÖ fight! Just for a little visual note, Jameson sees pictures of this the next day and realizes her arms are bigger then the Irish guys. Yikes! Just as Jameson thinks she is going to cream the guy, he suddenly jerks his arm and she is finished. Dammit! Good thing she didn't have money riding on it. Later on that night she finds out that he has a girlfriend back in Ireland. Why couldn't he have told her this like two hours sooner? Oh well, too late now. At least they will all have fun anyway. Jameson runs into her room to change the CD, turns around and finds her guy has snuck in the room and closed the door behind him. What does he think he is doing? He grabs her suddenly and leans in for a kiss. "I don't think so, buddy!," she says. "I don't want to be the one responsible for breaking up a happy relationship. Let some other American do it."

She smiles and walks out of the room. "Well, well," Jameson thinks to herself, "what a great way to start off my flingful summer."

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