June 21, 2006
Ok, where are they? Where are the celebrities? Come out, come out wherever you are.
Yes, they're beginning to descend as the season kicks into high gear.
Saturday night in Southampton they were there for the premier of the Hamptons Film Festival/Cinema Society premiere of The Groomsmen, sponsored by the Wall Street Journal weekend addition.
Among the boldfaces: Ed Burns and Christie Turlington, Beth Ostrosky and Howard Stern, Peter Cook, Christie Brinkley and their adorable son, Jack, and the Della Femina clan.
Ok, so who might we expect to show up this season. Sometimes, grasshopper, one must look to the past to see the future. Here are some of the folks spotted at the Bridgehampton Polo Club: Amanda Hearst . . . hey wait a second
. . . who is she? Who said she is famous? What did she do? What's she been in? Well, she's rich, she's famous, and Spades wants to do her. So, there you have it: her qualifications.
Cathy Moriarty, Denis Leary, The Donald, Jay Z. (not to be confused with Jazzy Jay Z., Jazzy Jeff, Z. Jazzy Jay, YZ or Jiz Jeff Z. Jazzy), Kim Cattral (they let that slut in?), Lorraine Bracco (yo, Tony wants to do you) Owen Wilson, Prince Albert In A Can, Matt Dillon, Natalie Portman, Rachel Hunter, Shannon Doherty (did someone say slut?) and Tom Brady.
Paris is here. She's got a new album that is being heavily promoted, Brainless Psycho Slut. Spades spotted her on Job's Lane. He wanted her, she wanted him. The rest, as they say, was between consenting adults.
Penny Marshall is a regular around these here parts, but ex-husband Rob Reiner has never been seen — until now. Kandy caught his eye on Newtown Lane in East Hampton. She said he was driving "a big, fat-ass convertible." He stopped to chat but Kandy decided he was just a little bit too young for her. She's looking to go the Anna Nicole Smith Get Him With One Foot In The Grave route.
Janice Dickinson, the ex-host of "America's Top Model," is in town. She went swimming at Georgica Beach Sunday. A big wave hit her broadside, and Whoooosh, her whole freakin' face fell off.
Lupe Ontiveros, a frequent guest star on "Desperate Housewives" was visiting Marcia Cross in Hampton Bays — they too took advantage of the balmy (well duh, it is summer, for Christ's sake) weather, taking a dip at Meschutt Beach.
Rumors And Innuendo:
There is a very expensive waterfront house for sale in Southampton. That's not big news . . . the big news is the leveraged buyout specialist who owns it — and why he has to sell it. Think crack is only for the poor downtrodden flotsam and jetsam of society? A tool the man uses to keep the working man down? Well, tell that to the young, hunky, local actor who recently missed an audition because he couldn't pry his hands from the pipe that is consuming him . . . Do the letters V.G. mean anything to you? They will before the summer's out, believe us!
Ok, July Fourth is here. That means clubbing, champagne, wretched excess, tantric lovemaking, bowel cleansing and weight reduction via belly emulsion upchuck. Sounds like a lot of fun!