June 21, 2006
Samdup Thockmay is a Tibetan monk, a seer and a prophet. He manages a convenience store in Flushing.
Today: Before you go to sleep tonight, make sure to thank god for the little, insignificant things, like your spouse and your career.
Birthday: Juliette Lewis, 1973
Watch out for: Things that sliver in the night
Be grateful: Someone invented toilet paper.
Tomorrow: This is an excellent time for a stroll in the rain. It will refresh and invigorate you. For god's sake, look out for the runaway truck!
Birthday: Ed Bradley, 1941
Watch out for: A snot-nosed kid with a BB gun
Be Grateful: He missed the other eye.
Friday: The day will almost be over before you realize just how stupid you look in that ugly shirt.
Birthday: King Edward VIII, 1894
Watch out for: A disturbing TV documentary about anal probes
Be grateful: Your doctor is too lazy to check yours.
Saturday: Go downtown just after 1 p.m., stand on the Northeast corner of Main Street. Put your left finger in your right nostril. Lift one foot off the ground. Wait for further instruction.
Birthday: Jeff Beck, 1944
Watch out for: The mold that infests the walls of your house
Be grateful: The rats like the mold.
Sunday: Remember there is someone else at this very moment thinking about you, and how to make your life even worse.
Birthday: George Orwell, 1903
Watch out for: The man in the light blue shirt
Be grateful: A major hurricane could wipe out all the people richer than you.
Monday: Back to work today! Get up bright and early! Have some hot coffee! Hop in the car and . . . uh, you should have gone to the bathroom back at the house.
Birthday: Derek Jeter, 1974
Watch out for: The little people
Be grateful: They still make cheap bottles of wine.
Tuesday: You know how you always get those sharp pains in your chest and you're afraid it might be something like a heart attack and then they go away and you feel silly? Well, sometimes they don't go away.
Birthday: Tobey McGuire, 1975
Watch out for: Body snatchers
Be grateful: They only bother dead people.