June 21, 2006

Thought For The Day

Samdup Thockmay is a Tibetan monk, a seer and a prophet. He manages a convenience store in Flushing.

Today: Before you go to sleep tonight, make sure to thank god for the little, insignificant things, like your spouse and your career.

Birthday: Juliette Lewis, 1973

Watch out for: Things that sliver in the night

Be grateful: Someone invented toilet paper.

Tomorrow: This is an excellent time for a stroll in the rain. It will refresh and invigorate you. For god's sake, look out for the runaway truck!

Birthday: Ed Bradley, 1941

Watch out for: A snot-nosed kid with a BB gun

Be Grateful: He missed the other eye.

Friday: The day will almost be over before you realize just how stupid you look in that ugly shirt.

Birthday: King Edward VIII, 1894

Watch out for: A disturbing TV documentary about anal probes

Be grateful: Your doctor is too lazy to check yours.

Saturday: Go downtown just after 1 p.m., stand on the Northeast corner of Main Street. Put your left finger in your right nostril. Lift one foot off the ground. Wait for further instruction.

Birthday: Jeff Beck, 1944

Watch out for: The mold that infests the walls of your house

Be grateful: The rats like the mold.

Sunday: Remember there is someone else at this very moment thinking about you, and how to make your life even worse.

Birthday: George Orwell, 1903

Watch out for: The man in the light blue shirt

Be grateful: A major hurricane could wipe out all the people richer than you.

Monday: Back to work today! Get up bright and early! Have some hot coffee! Hop in the car and . . . uh, you should have gone to the bathroom back at the house.

Birthday: Derek Jeter, 1974

Watch out for: The little people

Be grateful: They still make cheap bottles of wine.

Tuesday: You know how you always get those sharp pains in your chest and you're afraid it might be something like a heart attack and then they go away and you feel silly? Well, sometimes they don't go away.

Birthday: Tobey McGuire, 1975

Watch out for: Body snatchers

Be grateful: They only bother dead people.

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