Hardy Plumbing
June 14, 2006

Hamptons Daze

Reality TV Stars

It's safe to say that everyone on the East End of Long Island has had it with the rain. As nice as it is to have a lazy rainy day where you sit home and watch movies, get your nails done, or catch up on some reading every now and then, a week of being lazy is too much. It's summer and we want to take a walk, go out on a boat, go fishing, go kayaking — basically anything that has to do with some sort of outdoor activity. This week was nothing but sleeping late, ordering takeout, cocktails at home, and watching movie after movie.

After 10 movies and countless hours of reality television, we decide that it is about time for us to become famous. So far our only claim to fame is us doing the Swedish beer cheer in a Publick House commercial for Plum TV. We want more. We're talking MTV dating shows, Jerry Springer, "I Want To Be A Soap Star," you name it.

After our regular visit to Publick House on Wednesday night for ladies night, we discover that "The Bachelor" is having auditions this Saturday. We decide that we must go. We are ambitious, beautiful, successful single women between the ages of 21 and 31. Rome for the summer may not be too bad with Prince Lorenzo Borghese. Maybe we're not ready to settle down yet, but he could take care of a few student loans.

How hard can it actually be to get on television? You see regular people doing it all of the time. We go home excited that we have found something to do with ourselves. We will devote every waking minute to becoming reality TV stars — well, at least until the rain stops.

We search mtv.com for casting calls. There are tons:

• Have you ever dreamed of writing for a major national magazine? Yes, we have. We think Hampton's Daze would be wonderful syndicated.

• Are you looking for digital love? Hey, why not. We're looking for it in all the wrong places anyway.

• Do you see God? Sure, we see him in our cereal every morning.

• Want to get married on MTV? Well, one of us will be marrying Prince Lorenzo Borghese within the next year. So, yes, bring along MTV and film it.

• Are you the next Neil Diamond? If it gets us on TV, yes, we are the next Neil Diamond. There is no competition. Good times have never been so good, SO GOOD! SO GOOD! SO GOOD!

• One of us can be "Made'" into a figure skater or a pro wrestler. Give us a chance and we'll take over television.

Montel Williams is looking for someone who is worried a loved one's risky behavior is constantly putting her life in danger. Jameson can totally confront Veronica about her drug problem and her late night job at Hunts Point (it really is getting a little out of hand). When we put our minds together we can do anything, and the possibilities are endless.

Jerry Springer asks: Are you a wild sexy woman? Do you want to be on a Springer Pay Per View? Well, maybe now we're going a little too far, but we could easily be torn between two lovers or prostitutes with shocking stories to tell. It would be all in a days work.

Professional reality TV show guests are what we will be from this day on. Look for us everywhere. Read next week to find out about our crazy adventures in the reality star world. If none of this actually comes true at least we will be hanging out with the "Laguna Beach" cast this weekend at Star Room and Teddy from "8th and Ocean" at CPI. We will both beat up Jason for being a jerk. Veronica will try to make out with Talon, and Jameson hopes to French Teddy amongst the sweaty drunken dancers at CPI. Oh, what a rainy week can do.

Contact us at hamptonsdaze@yahoo.com or be our friend www.myspace.com/hamptondaze.

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