June 14, 2006

Gossip & Whispers

So, there was Kandy slumming in Springs Saturday when she stopped into Damark's Deli for some fruit and mineral water (OK, bullshit, the ho needed smokes and beer).

Then she saw him.

Her knees weakened. She felt lightheaded. She felt moist down there. The object of her affections sat nonchalant in a green Suburban, the Hawke himself (Ethan that is), his dirty hair ruffled and unkempt, or "wild like the wind" as Kandy was to recall after the encounter.

He was alone, and she, fueled by wanton desire and animal lust, pounced like a panther in heat, circling the car so he could get a good look at her considerable assets — and you know Kandy, her slinky clothes leave little to the imagination.

He looked at the fruit and for a moment opted to partake of the sweet nectar of the vixen — until she appeared.

Long, lean, sleek, and oh-so-blonde. A model type — you know the ones, the kinds of babes these young punk actors always settle in with. What up wit dat?

Kandy felt her talons tense and for a moment a vision of gashed-out lifeless eyeballs filled her head, but just as quickly the blonde was in the passenger seat and the brainless Boy Toy was driving away.

Kandy sighed and popped open a cold one. Hell, if he makes love like he acts she was in for a disappointing experience anyway, she reasoned.

Kandy and Spades made the American Heart Association benefit at the Diamond Ranch in Watermill on Saturday. Ed Bradley of "60 Minutes" was the host, but all eyes were on Rudy Guiliani, with his lovely bride Judith Nathan.

Will he?

Is he?

He was coy, as always. Wouldn't commit one way or the other.

"We'll see," he said demurely.

Finally Spades popped the question and demanded a straight answer.

"No," Rudy said. "I'm not going to buy the Chicago Cubs."


Calvin Klein, skinny and pale, at Hamptons Coffee . . . Kandy waved. He ignored her. Spades waved. He smiled back . . . Peter Bogdanovich, the legendary movie director who is now a semi-regular on "The Sopranos," on Newtown Lane . . . Richard Gere, sans wife and baby, in Sag Harbor . . . Britney Gastineau, who has her mother's looks (thank God) dining at Dockers — also spotted there, some of the cast from HBO's "Entourage."

Rumor and Innuendo:

It's been a slow real estate market of late but one European financier is about to make a huge splash with a major Southampton purchase . . . the new and yet unnamed Clint Eastwood project is said to be centered on the East End and slotted for shooting this winter . . . the on again off again rumor that Paul McCartney is looking for commercial property for his daughter, Stella, is on again . . . a certain obnoxious veteran actor is said to be slurring his words and enjoying liquid lunches in Bridge-hampton . . . the sultry star of a popular cable show isn't very popular with her staff, who says she is condescending, rude, and worst of all, cheap. As a matter of fact, they hate her (But Spades adores her!).

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