June 14, 2006
Samdup Thockmay is a Tibetan monk, a seer and a prophet. He manages a convenience store in Flushing.
Today: You correctly sense an uneasiness among your co-workers and friends – it's because there is "stuff" coming out of your left nostril.
Birthday: Donald Trump, 1946
Watch out for: Cankerworms and Canker sores
Be grateful: You rash isn't contagious.
Tomorrow: A good day to take stock of things; to try and determine exactly where it is you stand in life. Hint: look towards the back of the line.
Birthday: Ice Cube, 1969
Watch out for: The sinister man with the tape and cuffs
Be grateful: The stench in your bedroom is slowly going away.
Friday: Consult the stars when things seem too difficult to endure: they will lead the way to the bottle and the pills.
Birthday: Tupac Shakur, 1971
Watch out for: The pervert with the smelling salts
Be grateful: No one can see you with the lights out.
Saturday: The future looks bright for God's chosen ones; unfortunately, he hates you.
Birthday: Barry Manilow, 1946
Watch out for: What's inside the trunk of your car
Be grateful: It's already dead.
Sunday: Today is the day to reflect on your past and make note of all your accomplishments. OK, you can stop now.
Birthday: Paul McCartney, 1942
Watch out for: Venomous snakes in your garden
Be grateful: You'll be unconscious when the seizure hits.
Monday: A diseased goat will attempt to reproduce with you. Don't struggle!
Birthday: Paula Abdul, 1962
Watch out for: The hot sand
Be grateful: They don't let people like you on the beach.
Tuesday: We've taken the liberty of looking into your future: today, looks good. Tomorrow, OK. And then it stops.
Birthday: Errol Flynn, 1909
Watch out for: Satan's wrath
Be grateful: There are many sinners like yourself out there.