June 07, 2006
Yes, the Olsen twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley, are rumored to be coming to town — again. They were here last summer, on a one-day shopping spree. The girls, limo hopping, spent openly and freely. Shopkeepers on Newtown, eager to maintain the privacy of the dynamic duo, and (for a change) actually sell something, eagerly closed doors to the little people, the flotsam and jetsam of life like yourselves, to cater to the little wenches.
Kandy was there and witnessed this interchange on Newtown Lane:
Mary-Kate: Ohmygod! I'm famished!
Ashley: Should we eat?
Mary-Kate: Ohmygod, eat?
Ashley: Yeah, like food? Hullo? Earth to Mary-Kate?
Mary-Kate: Shouldn't we puke first?
Ashley: Let's eat and then puke!
"Have you seen the little piggies crawling in the dirt?"
Lindsay Lohan, of course. Yes, the teen slut turned mogul is due East.
No word yet on the whos, wheres and whys, but a certain real estate agent has been quietly looking for a rental for the hottie, with the prerequisite heated pool, hot tub, tennis court (as if!) and sty.
Katie Couric, just got a huge raise and a swanky new anchor job but she's still little people, regular folk, flotsam and jetsam like yourselves. Kandy spotted her shoe shopping at Shoe-In last weekend with her daughters. "She was very down to earth," sneered Kandy, who hates the little people.
Finally clothesed: mega-mogul sportswear designer Tommy Hilfiger purchased a manse on Further Lane in East Hampton. He closed on the property last week.
Speaking of old lechers, Spades swears he saw the legendary game show host Bob Barker in a Hamptons market. "The Price Is Right" host was shopping for salad stuff, a pie, and a 22 year-old hottie to harass.
Sightings: Oh Sam! Orlando Bloom, the legendary Legolas in Lord Of the Rings was spotted in Sag Harbor with a couple faeries, a hobbit, a dwarf, and an unidentified midget. Not really, he was with a babe. He really does have big hairy feet though, and that's really, really ugly and sad. Mets' broadcaster Keith Hernandez, in North Sea . . . Knicks' Allan Houston, in swanky Ninevah Beach (Sag Harbor)
. . . and Coach Larry Brown in East Hampton . . . Star Jones, in Wainscott.
Rumor and Innuendo: What loud-mouthed actor is in his glory now that he finally has a babe to replace the beauty who dumped him? What loose-lipped lothario bragged about his latest conquest to the wrong guy — The babe's father. It earned him a kick in his overly endowed groinal region. What crooner- turned author has a proclivity for busboys that has him in trouble with the Vice Squad?
Kandy is mad at Spades for showing her up at Star Room the other night. She was working don'ya you know, which means she was eavesdropping on assorted conversations, eager to record whatever dirt she could in order to humiliate people in this column. She felt Spades, who more often than not was either headed to the men's room or drinking deeply from the vodka well wasn't holding up his end of the bargain. So she did what she does best: threw a hissy fit and started screaming at him. Now, everyone is on pins and needles around here because Spades, as we all know, is vindictive and sophomoric, which means payback will be a bitch! Stay tuned. . .