June 07, 2006

Thought For The Day

Samdup Thockmay is a Tibetan monk, a seer and a prophet. He manages a convenience store in Flushing.

Today: Buddah, Allah and Jesus were talking about you the other day and they all agree: God is punishing you.

Birthday: Prince, 1958

Watch out for: The woman in the white hat

Be grateful: The mold and fungus is in your walls and not in your brain

Tomorrow: A peaceful walk in the moonlight will be interrupted by a writhing stranger wearing nothing but an eye patch.

Birthday: Barbara Bush, 1925

Watch out for: Burning embers, dense smoke, sirens

Be grateful: You were able to get the cat out alive

Friday: It is clearly written on the stone: you put out in high school.

Birthday: Natalie Portman, 1981

Watch out for: The man who wheezes when he talks to you

Be grateful: There is only one bullet in the gun

Saturday: You are a leader, and on this day you will be called upon to lead. So gather all the other dimwits in your building and tell them to pull up their flies.

Birthday: Judy Garland, 1922

Watch out for: What lurks in your basement

Be grateful: Your lump has hair growing out of it

Sunday: Get yourself to church. Pray to God for mercy, for you have sinned, and now the detective working the Internet beat knows you're not a 15-year-old named Becky.

Birthday: Jacques Cousteau, 1895

Watch out for: Harmful bacteria in your food

Be grateful: It's really not that hot in hell

Monday: Today will be an excellent opportunity to seize the moment and attest to your brilliance. Unfortunately, no one pays attention to you because you're delusional.

Birthday: Anne Frank, 1929

Watch out for: A pack of roaming pit bulls

Be grateful: You have another arm

Tuesday: The flight of the butterfly has begun! The Bluebird chirps loudly! The deer roam the forests! You're still an unsightly old hog!

Birthday: Christo, 1935

Watch out for: Eternal blackness

Be grateful: For one-eyed albinos

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