May 31, 2006
The Boardy Barn
We have become men. We date like men and we drink like men. The opening of the Boardy Barn was Sunday. The line at Boardy Barn is like waiting in line for a ride at Disney World: it's the greatest ride you will ever go on. Amazing, simply amazing. Jameson was a Boardy Barn virgin. Veronica made sure she had, like, five beers within her first five minutes and the guy she has been hanging out with, Doug, made sure she had five beers in front of her at all times. Four hours of complete chaos followed, and we loved every minute of it!
It is a strictly enforced rule at the Barn that anyone who is a "virgin" there can not leave without being completely covered from head to toe in beer. Jameson made the mistake of telling people she had never been there. Of course, if she had known this rule she would not have let Doug and the rest of his friends know. After only 10 minutes, she is drenched. We mean "wet dog in a tropical storm of beer" drenched. But the more she gets beer thrown on her the more she falls in love with the place. After the Boardy Barn, Doug and his friends tell us to meet them back at their house for a dip in the hot tub.
We go across the street and call Kevin's taxi. He comes right away, in a limo no less. We make it to their house before they arrive and all doors are locked. We wait for maybe 25 seconds and decide they are taking too long. Yes, we believe alcohol gives us A.D.D. While running around the outside of the house, Jameson remembers a tree that the guys built some footsteps on next to the porch. We find the tree that leads to the deck 10 feet above us. We climb the tree (which we ended up getting matching bruises from), get into the house from the open sliding door, find our way to the bathroom, take a beer from the fridge (like we needed any more) and jump in the hot tub before the boys even get back to the house.
Veronica has a dilemma. In this house lives one boy that she has already made out with, another one who says he likes her, and the rest of them aren't looking so bad either. Now that she acts like a man this doesn't even phase her. The boys arrive and jump in the hot tub. One starts giving her a foot massage. A very short foot massage. A few minutes into it he says, "Sorry, I started massaging my own feet. It just felt better." We really do hope he was just massaging his feet. Doug and Jameson get bored in the hot tub rather quickly and he invites her into his room. Doug breaks out his guitar and Jameson is actually pleasantly surprised that he can play pretty well drunk.
While Jameson is busy in Doug's room, Veronica starts to think about the future. Not that she plans on getting married any time soon but when she does she wants a trophy husband. Some girls want to be trophy wives. Pretty girls with older, less attractive men with money. She could never do this. She wants a gorgeous husband who will take care of the kids, cook and clean because none of these things appeal to her. She wants to come home to a nice meal, relax and have her way with her gorgeous husband after he puts the kids to bed.
She also thinks that it's time to go home. She realizes that she has no money, no keys, is soaking wet and her shoes have gone missing. Luckily Jameson reappears from Doug's room and we call a limo to bring us back to our house before we turn into pumpkins. By the way, it's only around 9:30 pm. Jameson turns to Veronica in the limo and says, "Boardy Barn is heaven! I wanna go back!! Is it next Sunday yet?"
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