May 31, 2006

Thought For The Day

Samdup Thockmay is a seer, mystic, and a licensed Tibetan monk. He manages a convenience store in Flushing.

Today: Finally, something positive in your life! Your blood test results are in.

Birthday: Joe Namath, 1943

Watch out for: People named "John"

Be grateful: Your personality is as grotesque as your body

Tomorrow: The Moon and Sun align perfectly above your big butt.

Birthday: Alanis Morissette, 1974

Watch out for: The bird flu

Be grateful: Dirty underwear is better than no underwear

Friday: Your furrowed brow and quizzical look reveal the truth: you're dumber than spit.

Birthday: Jerry "The Beaver" Mathers, 1957

Watch out for: Poopie

Be grateful: It's two-for-one week at the anchovy shop

Saturday: The sun shines, the sea rolls, the wind howls, and you fart — same old freakin' story.

Birthday: Allen Ginsberg 1926

Watch out for: The drinking water

Be grateful: The parasite in your lower intestine is coming out the other end

Sunday: You insignificant little turd, you worthless piece of nothing -- you need to learn to respect yourself.

Birthday: Angelina Jolie, 1975

Watch out for: The letter "L"

Be grateful: Life is mercifully short

Monday: It is a good day indeed when another suffers at your hand. Or vice-versa — we don't care one way or the other.

Birthday: "Marky" Mark Wahlberg 1975

Watch out for: Insects in your ears

Be grateful: It's only head lice

Tuesday: Remember, God looks down on all his children — except the sickly, whiny ones. In other words, you're on your own, kid.

Birthday: Sandra Bernhart 1955

Watch out for: Rotting carcasses

Be grateful: You have a catchy nickname: "Cheesy"

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