This week, an exclusive interview with the most famous reindeer of all time. Who knew he lived right here under our noses?
Indy: You're not really Rudolph. Where's the red nose?
Rudolph: I quit drinking, ok?
Indy: What are you doing in East Hampton?
Rudolph: I retired here.
Indy: Dude, you only work one day a year.
Rudolph: Yeah, but we unionized. Between sick days, vacation, early retirement and so on it was time to pack it in.
Indy: What did Santa say?
Rudolph: "Ho ho ho." That's all he ever says.
Indy: We're guessing there's more to the story.
Rudolph: Ok, ok. That ho, Dancer, accused me of "inappropriate workroom behavior," whatever that is.
Indy: Well, that would be like calling her a "ho."
Rudolph: Oh. Hey Cupid and Vixen were no angels, either. At one of our Christmas parties I had the two of . . .
Indy: Never mind that. Why East Hampton?
Rudolph: Good place to be. Lots of shrubs and specimen trees. I blend in well with the deer, except I'm a celebrity and they're not.
Indy: You must not read the newspapers.
Rudolph: I'm an Internet guy . . . maybe the sports section sometimes.
Indy: Well, East Hampton Town intends to "address the deer problem."
Rudolph: What does "address" mean?
Indy: Dude it means cull.
Rudolph: Like a one-armed lobster?
Indy: Like, "eliminate."
Rudolph: What? They can't do that. I'm famous! You never heard of a song about "Rudolph the Red Nosed Piping Plover" or "Rudolph the Web-Footed Balding Eagle."
Indy: Deer are a nuisance.
Rudolph: People ain't exactly saints, either.
Indy: Nevertheless, you might want to consider moving out of town before hunting season begins.
Rudolph: Maybe I'll go to North Haven.
Indy: Not such a good idea. Why not go back to the North Pole?
Rudolph: The restraining order.
Indy: Now what? Vixen? Cupid?
Rudolph: Naw, Dasher. Hey, it was one night. We had tequila and 'ludes and the next thing you know he was . . . so I . . .
Indy: Never mind. The big question is would Santa take you back?
Indy: He wasn't crazy about our last contract proposal.
Rudolph: Well my agent demanded an additional paid day off every year.
Indy: For what?
Rudolph: To do my Christmas shopping.
Indy: The big question is whether or not the nose will light up.
Rudolph: Hey, pal! Rudolph always comes through! You don't worry about me getting up for Christmas, buddy! Just make sure Dancer and Blitzen are ready to pull their load!