Gurney's Inn
August 13, 2014

Jerry's Ink


Little Weiner:

Did you see that Anthony ("Do you want to see a picture of my crotch?") Weiner is going to open a restaurant in the Rockaways serving healthful food? I'm all for that, but I want Weiner to promise us all that before he touches the food he's going to wash his hands.

Big Weiner:

I'm happy to report that Barack Obama reads The Independent.

On June 18 I wrote a column titled "Solving Obama's Problems in Iraq." In the column I said: "Let the Sunnis and the Shiites kill themselves in an insane religious war that has gone on for centuries.

"Give up on the rest of Iraq except for the Kurdish region.

"Recognize and help establish the creation of a sovereign state called Iraqi Kurdistan with its own government and parliament."

Naturally the "Obama can do no wrong" idiots jumped all over it. And on Facebook some moron "unfriended" me for suggesting something so stupid.

I can't tell you how much that hurt my tender feelings.

Now just eight weeks later Obama, having read my column, is helping the Kurds who are in danger of being massacred by the ISIS for not succumbing to demands to convert to Islam or else.

My favorite story in The New York Times was that the administration was afraid ISIS would roll over into the Kurdish capital of Erbil and kill some of the American diplomats stationed there.

The Times reported an unnamed source in the Obama administration said, "We don't want another Benghazi."

Can you see them meeting in the White House?

Obama: "This is terrible – we've lost another ambassador. What are we going to say to the American people?"

Biden: "How embarrassing. I was the one who said, 'I am very optimistic about – about Iraq. I mean, this could be one of the great achievements of this administration.'"

Obama: "It's a good thing no one listens to you because you're a bumbling old fool. We need a cover story."

Biden: "How about the old Benghazi lie? You know, we insist ISIS had nothing to do with this. We say our people were killed because some of the local Erbil people were rioting because they were mad at an American movie that offended their religion."

Obama: "Then I can go out and claim I didn't know anything about it and we can blame John Kerry the same way we dropped Benghazi into Hillary's lap."

Biden: "Then we get that lightweight Susan Rice to go on all the Sunday morning shows and say it wasn't ISIS – it was a local protest that got out of hand. But what movie can we blame?"

Obama: "I've got it. Let's say they were rioting against the film Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

Biden: "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?"

Obama: "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. You have to understand there are voters out there who will believe anything this administration says. Let's tell them that they were offended because none of the female teenage mutant ninja turtles were wearing burqas and you could see their wrinkled green skin."

Biden: "You're a genius, boss! No wonder Democrat voters love you."

If you wish to comment on "Jerry's Ink" please send your message to

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    Kudos to Jerry!
    August 12, 2014 | 02:16 PM

    Great, Jerry, I'm thrilled to hear that Obama reads your column!

    Now, why don't you write one saying that he should resign for the good of the country? At this point, Joe Biden would be an improvement!

    Gail Klein
    New York, NY

    Gail Klein
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