New York City would come out ahead.
OK, so Rob Ford has admitted that he smoked crack. And he claims he did it while he was drunk out of his mind and, yes, he said he wanted to engage in oral sex with a woman who worked in his office and, yes, the term he used was not "oral sex."
In a press conference, allegations that he made sexual advances towards staffer Olivia Gondek seemed to anger the mayor the most.
"It says that I wanted to eat her p****. I would never do that. I'm happily married. I've got more than enough to eat at home, thank you very much," he said.
Granted, his mortified wife may kill him in his sleep because she was by his side when he blurted out his private dining preferences during that press conference.
But if she lets him live I would make a plea to get him to consider trading places with Bill de Blasio.
Here's how I would convince Rob Ford to take the job:
"Rob," I will say, "if you like your crack pipe you can keep your crack pipe."
If he accepts I would take him as mayor of New York City over Bill de Blasio any day. Here's why:
All Rob Ford will do as our mayor is get drunk, hit the pipe and make us laugh. His antics will take everyone's minds off the sad state of this country.
On the other hand, Bill de Blasio – who really is the puppet mayor of Al Sharpton – may, in his bumbling, socialist, liberal way, inadvertently destroy our wonderful city. He will be a terrible mayor. Mark my words.
The fact is Rob Ford has been a good mayor for Toronto, which is the sixth largest city in this hemisphere.
In articles from CNN by Bill Weir, from which much of the factual material in this column has been excerpted, Weir quotes Rob Ford as saying, "My specialty is taking care of people that have been totally ignored their whole life, and I'm not going to stop doing it."
Rob Ford was elected to a four-year term in 2010 and has cut taxes and streamlined government under his administration. He has been accessible to constituents: He gives out his cell phone number to voters, to call him any time about problems with city services or taxes.
"I don't believe in wasting taxpayer's money."
He doesn't have a chauffeur and other city perks, all in the name of keeping spending down for the average taxpayer.
In the Queen's Plate projects in Toronto they say Rob Ford is the greatest public servant they've ever known.
He's the person they call at home when the landlord won't fix the heat. He's the guy who coached their kids in football.
While he's often characterized as conservative, Ford, according to his brother, is "a huge, massive social liberal" who loves U.S. President Barack Obama.
That would go over big in New York City and the Hamptons, where the vast majority of voters also love President Obama and they are grateful for the hope and change he has given them.
Another quote from Rob Ford:
"What I always say is, there are more poor people than rich people, and I stick up for the poor people."
That's what Bill de Blasio always says, too.
That's what every politician says until the time comes when he or she is looking for campaign contributions and that's when they decide rich people aren't so bad after all.
But the main reason I would take Rob Ford as our mayor is because Bill de Blasio is going to end Stop-and-Frisk and he plans to weaken our police force.
When de Blasio takes over we will not have the same competent emphasis against crime and terrorism that we have enjoyed under Mayor Michael Bloomberg and Police Commissioner Ray Kelly.
Bill de Blasio is going to bring this city back to what it was 1990s, with homeless stretched out on every corner. Panhandlers on every street. Squeegee boys extorting your money.
Crime? Welcome to Detroit.
It's already happening.
Gun seizures have fallen nearly 12 percent since idiot Judge Shira Scheindlin ruled that Stop-and-Frisk violated the civil rights of blacks and Hispanics. Shootings are up 2.3 percent. Shooting victims are up 3.4 percent.
Think that's a small number that doesn't affect you? Well, check out the New York Police Department's Daily Crime Blotter. Rafael Alam, 22, was talking to a woman in a vehicle parked near 174th Street and Jerome Avenue when the woman's brother – who apparently did not approve of the man – shot Alam three times in the chest, killing him. You can bet that Alam's friends are packing guns and going after the killer and his family. The next thing you know shots will ring out on a street in that part of the Bronx and an innocent child holding her parent's hand will be hit.
I only wish we could charge idiot Judge Shira Scheindln as an accessory in the shooting of Alam and all the shootings that come after that. Sadly, it's only the beginning.
If Rob Ford were our mayor the only problem he would have with Stop-and-Frisk would be when the police stopped and frisked him and confiscated his crack pipe.
If you wish to comment on "Jerry's Ink" please send your message to email@example.com.