September 11, 2013

Jerry's Ink


Don't you feel sorry for Barack Obama? I do. Here he is trying to lead from behind in Syria and everyone's getting mad at him.

Then there's this business of the red line. Turns out Obama didn't set the red line in Syria on August 20, 2012, when he said, "We have been very clear that a red line for us is when we start seeing a whole bunch of chemical weapons being utilized." Last Thursday Obama said, "First of all I didn't set a red line. The world set a red line."

Barack is on safe ground blaming the world for his statement. At last report the world still hasn't denied it set the red line first.

Here's another thing I don't understand, and I don't get the math. What's the difference between sitting on your hands and doing nothing while a disgusting animal like Bashar al-Assad kills hundreds of thousands of men, women, and children, many of whom are being shot and burned and being blown to pieces by bombs, but then deciding to fire "a warning shot across the bow" of Bashar al-Assad when he uses poison gas to kill 1500 hundred innocent men, women, and children?

And while I'm still confused, I wonder why, when 5000 Kurds were killed in Iraq by Saddam Hussein – who had chemicals including mustard gas, the nerve agents sarin, tabun and VX, and possibly cyanide dropped by planes into the northern Iraqi town of Halabja – Senator Barack Obama proudly voted against stopping Saddam Hussein.

My guess is the world hadn't whispered "red line" in Obama's ears at the time.

But in the end none of this is Obama's fault. I heard all those wonderful speeches that got him elected in 2008. He was going to rule the world. Change the tides. What a guy. Then some Sneaky Swedes, Doubting Danes and Nervous Norwegians voted him the Noble Peace Prize. Read the column I write below on October 14, 2009, about how this changed Obama's life. Please note that four years ago when I predicted Obama's future I knew even then that we could look forward to a president who would SPEAK SOFTLY AND CARRY AN EVEN SOFTER STICK.


The vibrations of my Blackberry, which I sleep with, clutched in my hand, woke me up.

The face of my Blackberry read, "CNN Alert."

I quickly pressed the button and this came up:

"CNN Breaking News: Oct. 9, 2009: President Obama has won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize"

Tears came to my eyes. I started to sob.

I reached over and shook my wife, the beautiful Judy Licht. "Wake up, wake up, this is great news!" I screamed.

"Wha . . . Wha . . . What's wrong? Why are you crying?" she said, her eyes full of sleep.

"Because I'm so happy. Barack Hussein Obama, our wonderful president, has won the Nobel Peace Prize."

Judy then turned over and tried to go back to sleep.

I jumped out of bed and said, "We must do something to celebrate. Let's wake up our neighbors – I'm sure they want to hear this great news. I wish we had some noisemakers."

I remember when I was a kid, we didn't have noisemakers on New Year's Eve, so we would bang pots and pans together. But then I thought of Shlomo, my little puppy who was fast asleep next to my bed, and the noise of someone banging pans over his head might give him a heart attack.

"This will show them," I said.

"Show who?" mumbled Judy from under the covers.

"This will show those racist, conservative dogs on 'Saturday Night Live' and Jon Stewart and Bill Maher, and all the other comedy shows who have been laughing at President Barack Obama because they say he has accomplished nothing in the first nine months of his administration, that President Obama has accomplished winning the Nobel Peace Prize.

"This will show that fat dope, fascist Michael Moore, who has been saying that President Obama is not doing enough to force health care on every American, even if it breaks this country financially and destroys the quality of health care, that our clever President has just been rope-a-doping everyone on health care until now that he has a mandate from the world.

"And now our President won't just be making sure that every American is covered, but now he has a plan to provide and pay for medical coverage for every single person on earth. 'Yes, We Can! Yes, We Can . . .'" I started to chant.

"Go to sleep, you idiot," Judy moaned.

"Sleep. No, I'm not going to sleep; this is the most important day of our lives. It means, to quote Neville Chamberlain, that thanks to the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize committee we will have 'Peace in Our Time.'

"President Obama will live up to his award and turn the other cheek should Iran drop the bomb on Cleveland. He will never send another soldier to Afghanistan. He will, instead, unveil his Donald Rumsfeld plan to just keep enough soldiers in Afghanistan to lose the country to the Taliban. He will negotiate with everyone – the Taliban, Castro, even Osama bin Laden if he comes out of his cave and asks to address the United Nations. President Obama will never defend Israel, even if they are under attack. We will never challenge China. Hell, if Costa Rica invades us, we will surrender right after President Obama makes a stirring speech pointing out it's only fair, since we have been exploiting them all these years.

"And we owe it all to five Norwegians on the Nobel selection committee, whose names we can't pronounce: Thorbjorn Jagland, Kaci Kullmann Five, Sissel Marie Ronbeck, Inger-Marie Ytterhorn and Agot Valle. They did it because they were wise enough not to judge our wonderful President Obama on his accomplishments. If you're handsome, intelligent, personable and have a great ability to make stirring speeches you don't need no stinking accomplishments – you just need to show that you have the potential to accomplish something, someday."

Then, when I said "potential," I broke down and started to sob again.

"Now why are you sobbing?" asked Judy.

"POTENTIAL," I said, with tears rolling down my cheeks. "MY UNCLE LOUIE."

"What about your Uncle Louie?"

"My God, he was just like Barack Obama. That man had potential. I remember, when I was a little boy, my Uncle Louie would have a few glasses of wine and then he would tell me how much he loved everyone in the world. Then he would say if he had the money he would make everyone in the neighborhood happy. Then he would reach into his pocket and give me a nickel for lemon ice.

Then he would take another glass of wine and say, 'I love everyone in the world.' And when my Aunt Mary would scream at him for drinking a gallon of red wine a day, would he answer her? No sir. Not my Uncle Louie. He would always say, 'That'sa nice, don'ta fight.' My Uncle Louie had potential.

Did they give my Uncle Louie the Nobel Peace Prize? No! They broke his heart and gave the peace prize that year to Albert Schweitzer."

If you wish to comment on "Jerry's Ink" please send your message to jerry@dfjp.com.

  1. print email
    Uncle Louie
    September 11, 2013 | 11:25 PM

    Where was the "Red Line" when we were carpet bombing North Vietnam, Laos, and Cambodia with napalm and Agent Orange. Not a peep about that then from anyone ... and very conveniently not mentioned now. What hypocrisy!

    Meanwhile, I think I'd really have liked hanging out with your Uncle Louie. Bill

    Bill Crandall
  2. print email
    Red Lines, Red Wines and Disappointment!
    September 12, 2013 | 04:50 PM

    Well, Jerry, you got my wife laughing! But what else is new? I guess her Uncle Louie was a lot like your Uncle Louie, except that her Uncle Louie may have been a little classier...he mixed his red wine with ginger ale.

    As for the president, turns out he's just human...another disappointment.

  3. print email
    Al's Red Wines
    September 13, 2013 | 12:50 PM

    Hey Al ... You were expecting Superman as POTUS? All U.S. Presidents have had successes and failures ... just a question of which personal poisons to choose (like Nixon for starters?). BC

    Bill Crandall
  4. print email
    Nobel Peace Prize...The REAL Story.
    September 14, 2013 | 01:23 PM

    I did some research on this. As it turns out Jerry, Mr. Obama actually got the Nobel Peace Price for breaking up a fight in Chicago between a Crack pusher and a buyer. Then he pulled out his BB gun and robbed both of them!

    Frank Luca
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