August 07, 2013

Jerry's Ink


I'm in a crappy mood. I apologize. Please don't read this. Just move on to a happier, less neurotic part of this wonderful newspaper.

My funk started on Sunday. I was driving at a steady 16 miles an hour, hoping to speed up to a crawl on the crowded Long Island Expressway. At exit 36 I glanced at the time on my dashboard – it was 8:16 PM. Then it hit me. It was getting dark fast. Dark? How can it be getting dark at 8:16? What happened to summer? Fifteen minutes later it was middle-of-winter dark.

As best I can remember, Memorial Day was a few hours ago. I'm so bummed out. At my age I'm discovering my biggest enemy is not the clock but the calendar.

I can't stand autumn and I hate winter. Spring is nice because it's full of promise about the upcoming summer. Then summer is here and gone in a flash. It's seven days into August. The fun days have dwindled down to a precious few. Pretty soon the stores will be putting up Back-to-School and Halloween displays.

And now I'm so depressed that I can't think of a single thing that's going right.

I'm depressed by the news, too. I'm getting on a plane next week so now we're on high alert for an attack by al Queda.

Wasn't it a few months ago when Obama the Fearless looked into the camera and announced that al Qaeda was nearly defeated and the war on terrorism had changed since he took office, and that this demanded a broad rethink that included scaling down drone attacks.

Turns out he has described al Qaeda as having been "decimated," "on the path to defeat" or some other variation at least 32 times since the attack on the U.S. Consulate in Benghazi, Libya.

I guess these were his "mission accomplished" moments. I'm sure the press is going to give him the same treatment they gave George W. Bush when he spoke too soon.

Oh? No? You mean they're going to ignore it? No wonder I'm depressed.

Plus it turns out the head of the IRS wants the members of the IRS who have been given the job of enforcing Obamacare on you and me to be exempted from having to comply with Obamacare for themselves. They like their current health insurance plans, they said. So do I. So do a majority of the people reading this. What's our choice?

Then there's the liberal-leaning Washington Post and The New York Times. The Times sold The Boston Globe and took a $900 million loss. The Washington Post just sold itself to Jeff Bezos of Amazon for a fraction of what it once was worth.

It seems that as good as the Obama economic recovery that the Times and the Washington Post keep telling us about, it isn't good enough to keep both papers from bleeding red ink.

Then there's Time Warner. They're in a contract dispute with CBS and so they have turned off CBS in New York City.

I want a refund. We all want a refund. Join with me in demanding that Time Warner pay us for keeping CBS off our television sets. I don't know who's right or who's wrong in this but I know when I signed a contract with Time Warner I signed up for all the stations available. I'm a conscientious objector in their war with CBS. I want a refund.

Don't try to cheer me up with stuff about looking forward to a great end of August and a long Labor Day Weekend. If three months of summer went in a wink, what chance do we have at one last sunny long weekend? It usually rains on Labor Day weekend, and the road on Monday is clogged with cars heading west with bikes on their roofs and couples who are each silently trying to remember the name of a good divorce lawyer.

Those men and woman who aren't married are ending their summer romances. Suddenly "Mr. Right," who was so interesting in July, is really something of a slug in September. And that incredible cute woman who looked great by the dim light of Stephen Talkhouse in June doesn't look as good in the pre-autumn haze.

And pretty soon your little kids will have that "I don't want to go back to school" look on their faces. The anxiety of this terrible last week of summer never leaves you. I still have nightmares about it.

I've tried everything I could to adjust to the end of this summer. I realize I haven't done so many things I usually do in summer. I didn't take my annual beach walk. I haven't barbecued. I haven't gone into the ocean because the water was too cold.

And now summer is over.

And this is the worst part. If you live in New York City, four or five of the worst humans in the world are fighting for the Democratic nomination for Mayor of New York.

Mayor Bloomberg may be a pain in the ass, but he's our pain in the ass. I'm begging him to run for mayor of New York again. I will even give up salt if he says yes.

If you wish to comment on "Jerry's Ink" please send your message to jerry@dfjp.com.

  1. print email
    August 07, 2013 | 10:52 AM

    I think you need a martini and a good cigar.

    Robert Malaussena
  2. print email
    lucky you
    August 07, 2013 | 11:39 AM

    You still have better than three weeks left to walk the beach, barbecue and walk into the ocean, ala "A star is born". That would be a sure way to say farewell to Summer.
    As an alternative dip the cigar into the martini and, well you know what to do next! Simply suggested in the spirit of cheering you up.

    marvin davis
  3. print email
    Summer's end
    August 07, 2013 | 11:42 AM

    I so relate to this piece. As summer goes, so too goes optimism and hope. Obama can talk about hope all he wants, but it's gone.

    Lynn Engle
  4. print email
    August 07, 2013 | 01:29 PM

    Absolutely fabulous piece of writing...

    Leda Sanford
  5. print email
    So Long Summer
    August 07, 2013 | 10:27 PM

    Jerry ... As sorry as I am for you and your kind about the passing of summer, good riddance!

    Who needs the heat? The mind altering distractions of half-naked women on the beach who will "never happen"? Traffic jams on the LIE? People comfortably and lackadaisically strolling around the streets of NYC, heads down into their iPhones, and blocking the sidewalks for people who actually want to walk and get somewhere on time? Favorite restaurants you can't get into because of the seasonal transients? Not to forget our increasingly new foreign travel visitor "friends" who take more pictures than the Japanese.

    All of which is to say ... fall is good and winter is better! Keeps everyone moving fast because it's cold. More focus; higher priorities; and everything back to normal. LOL, Bill

    Bill Crandall
  6. print email
    August 09, 2013 | 08:36 AM

    Liberal Post. Liberal times. You have got to be kidding. Like your newspaper both of them serve as lapdogs, not watchdogs on Washington It was they and their neo-con dominance that brought us into the diasterous and bankrupting wars in the Middle East, with the goal of making the Middle Est safe for Israel.

  7. print email
    how about the ny football giants?
    August 09, 2013 | 12:18 PM

    Football season is approaching.

    tom b.
  8. print email
    August 10, 2013 | 09:33 AM

    Take the auto train to Florida .... time stands still ...15 minutes of train is equivalent 2 hours of real time

    Lefty as in left handed
  9. print email
    August 10, 2013 | 10:13 AM

    Well, I think two martinis' and two cigars, but never the liberal kool aid. Keep writing.

  10. print email
    Final Comment for the Week
    August 11, 2013 | 12:16 PM

    My first comment was all in good fun about the passing of summer. But since Jerry (in his usual fashion) has evoked such passion from his acolytes, who have commented so vociferously here from a Republican point of view, let me say this in closing to all ... Who cares who is POTUS, governor or mayor?

    Nothing will change until "Corporate America" wakes up to its national responsibilities concerning working and non-working U.S. citizens (immigration legislation, legal or illegal, another issue.)

    Increased corporate profits and balanced Federal budgets are always great. Just a question of who's getting "skinned" in the game. You, your kid, your mother, your brother, your neighbor, whomever.

    I don't like politicians (Republicans and Democrats alike), because they're all selfish liars at an individual level and don't really give a damn about our country as long as they get re-elected. But they're an inherent necessary evil in our constitutional system of government - and WE pick them!

    So, the question for all is ... Why do we do what we do and how long do we think the USA will survive at the pace and way we're going without compromise on fundamental human issues? On why we got to war every 5-10 years and send our children off (as always) to fight for our financial "portfolios?

    The answer is because we personally don't have any "skin-in-the-game" beyond our money! Because most of us are too old to be drafted, so we're safe. Because we have food, shoes on our feet, and aren't sleeping on dirt floors tonight in the mountains of West Virginia. That's why.

    Easy to opine when you're in The Hamptons ... smoking a cigar, with wine and cheese for all. Wild Bill

    Bill Crandall
  11. print email
    August 11, 2013 | 02:45 PM

    Dad used to say that summer was over on July 4..

  12. print email
    Hey Jerry,
    August 14, 2013 | 02:20 PM

    I could use some of your 25 Million, so cheer up, just enjoy your wealth.

    Bobby Vinton
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