I could lie to you and give you a million reasons why I'm writing such a short column.
I could whine and tell you I'm not even paid a penny to write these columns and many of you might mutter, "If this fool was paid a penny a column, he would be overpaid."
But enough. Let me tell you the truth. It's Super Bowl week. Next to Christmas it's my favorite week of the year. I love you all, but I have no desire to write a column today. I'm going spend every waking hour trying to pick a winner in the game. Yes, I know I made a convincing argument in this week's Independent as to why you should take the 3 1/2 points and go with Baltimore. But don't listen to me. Figure it out for yourself.
I'm on a high because I just figured out that this year I invested $100 on a bet at the beginning of the football season and today I'm $1,352 ahead betting football with my favorite bookie.
$1,352 dollars is my capital gain.
But here's the best part: If gambling with a bookie was legal, thanks to Obama's new capital gains tax I would owe him 20 percent of that $1,352, which comes to $270.40. And throw in another 3.8 percent ($51.37) to pay the Obama Care tab (my bookie doesn't have a job – he's a bookie so you and I now pay for his health care). Now I know I took all the risk and did all the work, but Obama wants to take $321.77 of my winnings.
So why am I so happy? Because gambling is illegal and betting with my bookie just put that $321.77 in my pocket instead of Obama's. And I get to keep the entire $1,352 I worked so hard for.
The moral of the story is if you want to pay your "fair share" to Obama, just keep working. The more you make, the more he takes.
However, if you want to keep your "fair share," do what I plan to do for a living from now on – gamble illegally.
Note: If you should lose and can't pay and your bookie breaks your kneecaps, just remember: Under Obama Care, kneecaps are covered.
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