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January 30, 2013
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Jerry's Ink


I COULD LIE TO YOU


I could lie to you and give you a million reasons why I'm writing such a short column.

I could whine and tell you I'm not even paid a penny to write these columns and many of you might mutter, "If this fool was paid a penny a column, he would be overpaid."

But enough. Let me tell you the truth. It's Super Bowl week. Next to Christmas it's my favorite week of the year. I love you all, but I have no desire to write a column today. I'm going spend every waking hour trying to pick a winner in the game. Yes, I know I made a convincing argument in this week's Independent as to why you should take the 3 1/2 points and go with Baltimore. But don't listen to me. Figure it out for yourself.

I'm on a high because I just figured out that this year I invested $100 on a bet at the beginning of the football season and today I'm $1,352 ahead betting football with my favorite bookie.

$1,352 dollars is my capital gain.

But here's the best part: If gambling with a bookie was legal, thanks to Obama's new capital gains tax I would owe him 20 percent of that $1,352, which comes to $270.40. And throw in another 3.8 percent ($51.37) to pay the Obama Care tab (my bookie doesn't have a job – he's a bookie so you and I now pay for his health care). Now I know I took all the risk and did all the work, but Obama wants to take $321.77 of my winnings.

 So why am I so happy?  Because gambling is illegal and betting with my bookie just put that $321.77 in my pocket instead of Obama's. And I get to keep the entire $1,352 I worked so hard for.

The moral of the story is if you want to pay your "fair share" to Obama, just keep working. The more you make, the more he takes.

However, if you want to keep your "fair share," do what I plan to do for a living from now on – gamble illegally.

Note: If you should lose and can't pay and your bookie breaks your kneecaps, just remember: Under Obama Care, kneecaps are covered.

If you wish to comment on "Jerry's Ink" please send your message to jerry@dfjp.com.

  1. print email
    To Vig or Not to Vig - That Is the Question
    January 29, 2013 | 11:26 PM

    Jerry ... Short but sweet, so no apologies required to anyone for brevity. Just good to see "fresh meat" from the copywriting man who knows better than most - less is usually more!

    Especially liked your closing "Note" about bookies and Obama. Great line! LOL, Bill



    Bill Crandall
  2. print email
    January 30, 2013 | 11:51 AM

    I'm going to quit my job and start selling crack on the corner! Damn government wont be getting any money from me.

    PS- I'm pretty sure that you are supposed to pay taxes even on illegal gains. Isn't that what they got al capone for?

    jimmy
  3. print email
    Friendly Fire
    January 31, 2013 | 06:47 PM

    Apropos of nothing related to this article, I just watched "senators" John McCain and Lindsey Graham rake Sen. Chuck Hagel (a highly decorated U.S. Army Vietnam combat veteran) over the coals like nothing I've ever seen before on C-SPAN! Simply disgusting, and you'd have to see it to believe it.

    Which is to say, if I lived in Arizona or South Carolina, I'd be packing my bags right now for a new place to live. How embarrassing for my southern friends. BC

    Bill Crandall
  4. print email
    February 02, 2013 | 10:35 AM

    Somehow I knew you would parlay your money making venture into another Obama slam. Keep it up...you do it so well. On another note, the Forgione's are rooting for Baltimore due to the U Del connection (go Joe!) Mario and I are expecting them to win outright, but will take the 4 points our neighborhood bookie is offering (just to be on the safe side). Enjoy the game!



    Elisa
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